"...I do not appreciate the tone used by him in the email..."

"...I do not appreciate the tone used by him in the email..."

...I told my manager, fuming after a heated mail exchange with this guy. Lets call him Gagan. 

[𝗙] Gagan was a peer in another department. Whatever my team worked on, passed through Gagan's team & they scrutinized it as part of their job. [𝗦] Gagan came across as a headstrong person. Never minced words. There would often be a lot of questions from him on our work. I often sensed some hostility from his side. Too many things that could have passed through without the need for clarification were scrutinized/questioned.

Once I was on a vacation & there were a barrage of emails from him. So here I was, shooting out email after email in response to his queries (which sounded like accusations to my mind). Then at a point, I stopped replying & shot an email to my boss conveying what I quoted above. Later that night, I worked on some data for an hour and sent out a long email (yep, as long as my stories) with every data point possible to address past & possible future queries on that topic & the issue was put to rest, but I had added Gagan to the "I hate this guy" list. 

[𝗡] Over the next few months though, we started exhibiting mutual respect for each other. His queries reduced. My team & I ensured we provided adequate data points while sending information to them for processing. This ensured the chances of a query came down drastically. One evening at an office party, we let our guards down a bit. We discussed about things other than work & figured that we were similar in many ways. The ice broke. As time passed, we became something that I never thought I would ever call us - Friends. [𝗣] We understood each other's working styles better & trusted each other more. [𝗔] Unfortunately, just as we were progressing as friends, he left the firm. 

The episode reminded me of Tuckman's stages of group development as taught by our wonderful professor #shailajakarve in her OB (Organizational Behavior) classes. As per his theory, there are 4 stages of group development - Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing & Adjourning. These phases are all necessary and inevitable in order for a team to grow, face up to challenges, tackle problems, find solutions, plan work, and deliver results. Gagan & I experienced this first hand. Each stage indicated by [𝗙/𝗦/𝗡/𝗣/𝗔] above.

We've all learned the basics of magnetism in school. Opposites attract and similar poles repel. We never get to select our peers. While we may find comfort in ones who are opposite to us, we may find ones similar to us and repel (figuratively speaking) them. However, sometimes it takes time to realize that both of us are pointing towards the same North pole/goal. Its okay to be not attracted, but its not necessary to go head to head. Two North poles can very well move in the same direction, side by side.

If you are currently struggling with a Gagan (in your personal/professional life), don't worry, Tuckman's got your back!