The Invisible ICU Gatekeeper

"...I already told you I cannot leave before my shift ends!" said the gatekeeper.

In August 2021, my mom was hospitalized, and I spent several days and nights in the ICU waiting area of a hospital. As is standard in hospitals, relatives aren’t allowed to visit patients except during fixed visiting hours. A gatekeeper always guards the door to ensure no one sneaks through.

It was 8 PM on a Sunday, and the gatekeeper was diligently performing his duty, preventing unauthorized entry. However, he had started pacing anxiously up and down the lobby. "Nobody can go in before the start of the next visiting hour at 11 PM," he reiterated several times. Those of us in the waiting area wondered why he kept announcing this.

 

An hour later, I overheard a call he received, likely from his family, where he was trying to explain that he could not leave before the end of his shift. My curiosity piqued, so I casually walked up to him and asked "Is something wrong?" "I had promised my family that I would be home early today, but due to short staff on Sundays, I couldn't find anyone to cover for me. I can't leave before 11PM when the night shift guy arrives," he said with a helpless smile.

Another man who overheard our conversation and I both offered to sit in for him, ensuring no one entered the ICU. However, he politely declined, stating he couldn't allow that. Just then, a third elderly person nearby encouraged him to go ahead, assuring him that none of us would enter the ICU until 11 PM, so he wouldn’t get into trouble. After some persuasion, he hesitantly agreed and left for home, leaving the desk unmanned.

For the next two hours, it was heartening to see that none of the 15-20 relatives waiting attempted to enter the ICU. There was one restless guy, a habitual offender, who had tried to enter multiple times throughout the day. He got up from his seat once and walked toward the door but returned before reaching it. It was reassuring that until 11 PM, no one entered the ICU. As soon as the clock neared 11, we all scampered in to pay our loved ones one final visit for the day.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 - The gatekeeper who put his trust in unknown people in good faith.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀 - The people who first engaged the gatekeeper, uncovering his dilemma and seeking a solution.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿 - The senior who assured him we would not break the rules in his absence.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆 - The people in the waiting area who respected the gatekeeper's situation and the influencer's assurance, refraining from taking advantage of the situation.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗿 - The individual who, despite being tempted to break the rules, conformed due to the peer pressure and mutual respect shown by others.

When members of a family, team, organization, or society share the right values and intentions, things tend to go as planned. Outliers can be effectively managed through peer pressure and mutual respect.

"Bees nai dega, pandra dega!"

"...bees nai dega, pandra dega!" [I'll pay 15 and not 20] declared my mom, disregarding the vegetable vendor's protest, even as I grimaced.

My 74-year-old mother and I had started taking evening walks after her recovery from an illness. We would walk around the block, ending at the vegetable market. She'd hold her tripod walking stick in one hand and grasp my arm with the other. Like many mothers, she loved buying her own vegetables & fruits. No matter what price the vendor quoted, she would bargain. Sometimes, I didn't approve of this behavior and would tell her not to bother about bargaining for small items, especially since I didn't want her to exert herself too much.

"Mom, we are out for a walk, not vegetable shopping, and certainly not for exercising our bargaining skills," I told her. Before I could add anything, the vendor said, "Let her talk. We are used to this, and we love it when she comes to buy from us." He said this with a genuine smile. No matter how much she bargained, they were always cordial and understanding. Often, I noticed they would quote low straightaway, yet Mom would still ask them to cut it down further 🙈.

It is common for everyone in society to treat senior citizens with so much more love, respect, and consideration than they would treat people of other age groups.

This behavior is also visible at workplaces where seniors are present. We often admire that elderly co-worker in their 60s, 70s, or 80s, marveling at the experiences they’ve had and keen to listen to what they have to share. It’s so easy to let your guard down and be accepting & receptive when you are in such company, whether in personal or professional spaces.

About the LHS of the image: Now we often order veggies over the phone. A vendor delivers, we pay as billed. Many times, I go to the market to buy veggies, and unlike my mom, I pay whatever they quote. Recently, I felt our regular vendor was overcharging us. Remembering veggie prices doesn't come easily to me, so a few weeks back, I did a market survey and listed down prices. The idea was to be aware of what I was being asked to pay, having a reference list. After a few shopping visits, I started remembering the prices of certain veggies. This shows how effective writing things down can be. While remembering things can be challenging, noting them down and referring to them regularly certainly helps.

While I still can't bargain like my mom, I am sure she is looking down at me and smiling at my effort to avoid overpaying recklessly for veggies.

P.S: Some of you may be surprised by the prices (and puzzled by the mix of Hinglish/Gujarati terms) listed in the image. However, these are the typical rates for the locality I live in, in Mumbai.

P.P.S.: By the way, when was the last time you took your mom (or dad, or both) for an evening stroll? This weekend might be a good time for it if they live with you or nearby. Erm... and make sure there’s no one selling vegetables or fruits around when you do🫣

"You can't just defend! Be aggressive and push to score a goal..."

 "You can't just defend! Be aggressive and push to score a goal..." I told my 6 year old while playing air hockey on the tab...

She refused to change the strategy and kept blocking. I kept hitting hard trying to show her how it's done by using power at different angles and she kept defending...

In no time she was 4-1 up... most of my high power hits were actually rebounding back with the same pace and ended up breaching my defense, as I was in the middle of the field after my power hit and had kept my corner open and vulnerable to the rebound hits...

Lessons learnt :

1. Aggression doesn't always work.

2. Infact it has a high chance of damaging your own goal if not directed well or if one doesn't know how to handle the backlash that could result due to aggression (so often one exhibits aggression while trying to exercise assertion).

3. Age and experience dont always beat the young and inexperienced.

4. Don't advocate your strategy to others unless you are very sure it is the right one for the person, situation and time.

Link to original post : LinkedIn

"....will you be happy with that washing machine 5 years down the line?..."

"...but bhai, it's too expensive!" I exclaimed.

In 2006, after starting my career, I began thinking about spending money on things that might be useful for my family. A washing machine was one such item (we did not have one before). I was making about 12-13k a month as a software engineer, so this was a significant expense. I considered buying a semi-automatic washing machine as it fit within my budget.

Back then, there was no Amazon or Google reviews to easily get information about products, so we all had (and some of us still do) that one friend we'd consult before buying certain items, especially electronics, as we often needed an expert for validation. I asked my friend, Deepak, what he thought about it, expecting validation. He said, "That's a good model, but think about it. Will you be happy with that washing machine five years down the line?"

He saw the confused look in my eyes and started explaining, "You are earning X amount now, but you will earn much more in the next five years. When you use that semi-automatic washing machine five years from now, won't you regret not spending a few thousand extra for a fully automatic machine, which has much higher utility? It's not like you'll buy a washing machine every year, right?" That made me think. I stretched my budget and bought a fully automatic washing machine.

Over the years, this thought process has guided my purchases, whether it was a car, mobile, TV, or oven. I always considered if I would be happy with my choice 5-7 years later. This mindset also applies to decisions like choosing insurance. Often, we don't fully account for our future needs, which could be years or even decades away. The amount we save now on something essential may seem small compared to the long-term utility/benefits.

This principle probably applies to other areas of our lives too. Do we assess the impact of a decision on our future, especially when it comes to making minor adjustments, spending, or investments that we are not comfortable making or deem unnecessary at that point in time? That extra push we consider unnecessary or insignificant now might actually be very significant when we look back in time from the future.

"Where do you see yourself five years down the line?" is a clichéd question. However, "Will you be happy with that five years down the line?" is definitely a very pertinent question to ask ourselves when making decisions with long-term impacts.

𝙋.𝙎.: This post is about investing in essential needs, not luxuries. Don’t twist this principle to justify splurging on the latest iPhone or gadgets beyond your budget. I’m posting this using a 5-year-old phone with 8 colorful vertical lines on the display and plan to keep using it for another 5 years, assuming lines 9, 10, and 11 don’t appear.

....the Peaky Blinders music played

....the Peaky Blinders music played... so I looked at my phone (Peaky Blinders is the latest show am watching and l took fancy to the title music and hence set it as my ringtone.. just like the 20 year old me used to do.. silly things..maybe..)

The call was from a guy who I hadn't spoken to since 2017... and probably spoken just a couple of times in the last decade...

Having driven about a hundred kms just a few hours back and tired.. I told my wife..."hmm this guy hasn't called me in ages.. how come he is calling today?.. kuch toh kaam hoga saale ko" (excuse the use of slang.. friends do have the right to call each other that if not more colorful terms) ... I wondered why he was calling me... lately a lot of old friends and connections have been reaching out mainly to enquire about job openings... but this was a guy who I respected a lot as a friend..someone who I had always looked up to when I was working at my first job.. so I picked up at the end of 2 rings...

"Hey!! Long time!!" He said... "Yeah!!!" I said... waiting to hear the reason he called after so many years ... "I just called to say Hi!... been so many years we spoke.. so I thought let me catch up.." ... and at that moment I knew my mind over-thought as usual and I was elated that I got the call... next few mins we chatted about how things have changed since we last spoke and relived some moments from old times... He and I studied at the same engineering college and 4 of us from the college were lucky enough to land up a campus placement job at Infosys that I believe was the best stepping stone to start a career back then in 2005...I still credit Infosys (then headed by N. R. Narayana Murthy ) for the skills and values it taught me...

I was happy to just continue with the job then when this guy and another room-mate of mine (at Pune) were preparing for an MBA and egged me to give the MBA entrance a shot.. it eventually worked out and I did my MBA and when we spoke that day I told him how grateful I was to the two of them who pushed me to prepare for further studies... the other guy I mention here is my "Best Friend" (..might be a cliched term but works for me...) and will talk about him some other day... but this guy I spoke about is Amit Churiwal ..

Thanks for the call Amit and thanks for being an inspiration.. while there are so many inspirational stories to be told about our time together, I will reserve those for some other day and conclude by saying... pick up that call... return that call...or even better, make that call... to that friend who had a high impact on your life... unless you tell them, they won't know.. and you won't know the joy of letting them know how they helped you unknowingly..

 Link to original post: LinkedIn

"Haha! I beat your hi-score!!"

"...haha! I beat your high score...!!" I exclaimed at her, with loud expressions but a muffled voice as I did not want the professor to hear my ecstatic proclamation.

[This is a repost of one of my stories, published in June '21.]

This incident occurred during my MBA days. Like many of my peers, I opted for typing notes on my laptop, given my handwriting resembled a doctor's prescription (no offense to doctors with neat handwriting). This habit persists today; I still rely on my laptop or phone for note-taking. The event I recall dates back to 2008, during a Labour Laws class.

While our professors were undoubtedly excellent, as students, a bit of mischief was almost expected, right? Anyone who has studied HR would agree that Labour Laws isn't the most captivating topic in college. The subject itself was dry, compounded by a particularly stern professor. So, from time to time, I would sneak into a game on my laptop under the pretense of taking notes. However, I wasn't alone. Many used the laptop for activities far from taking notes, including this girl, let's call her SM. Like me, she was also hooked onto the same game. It was some game about marbles, where one had to shoot at marbles on the screen to form patterns and score. SM was really good at it and always scored high. That day, however, I played well and had actually achieved a new high score which wasn't just my high score but was higher than SM's high score!

The rush of accomplishment & excitement overwhelmed me, so I ended up informing SM right then, as she was seated close by. I was expecting an "oh damn!!" kind of dejected expression from her, but I was taken aback by her reaction. SM showed me a thumbs up and was grinning ear to ear, almost as ecstatic as me! After class, I reiterated my triumph, exclaiming, "SM, I beat your high score!" she smiled and said "That is really awesome!" I was stumped, so I asked, "Why are you so happy? I just beat you!" What she said next got etched in my mind forever. She said, "but we aren't competing, we are partners playing the same game!"

I was speechless, as I realized how silly I was for looking at this in a competitive way whereas this girl had a completely different perspective on it. I saw a competitor in her, and she saw a partner ("collaboration" wasn't in my vocab back then) in me. This incident stayed with me and to this date reminds me how sometimes we get carried away in competing, at times against the very same people who support us or are trying to work alongside us. Being competitive perhaps is good at times, but one must ponder if we lose out on good friends/colleagues/allies who want to join us in the journey and not necessarily see it as a competition.

Thank you, once again, SM, for imparting this profound wisdom in the most simplest of ways.

"Jimish, I lost my job"

 ... said Tony when we spoke recently... Tony is a great guy. An ideal guy. Very dedicated (in his personal and professional life)... very genuine... the guy who is loved by everyone for the person he is... hard working... joyful... Great sense of humor... Great understanding of life... (and am sure a good performer at work)

But... Tony lost his job. Reason? The company was in the midst of restructuring and his role was identified as redundant... his colleagues loved him... his boss loved him... but...he lost his job..

Who is to be blamed? Tony? His company? His boss? His leadership? Probably none of these.... sometimes there is no one to be blamed for a decision that an organization takes which affects an individual but what it does do is makes you think about it... to draw an analogy, we often hear about passing of a person who has never smoked or consumed alcohol..who was a fitness enthusiast.. did everything right in his/her life but suddenly passed due to unexplained reasons... no one is to be blamed ... such instances only remind us that no matter how good u are at what you do or who you are... life is too uncertain.. be it a job.. matters of health or life itself... take nothing for granted...

I have no friend named Tony... but this is a real incident and I used a fictitious name to narrate the true story...

Link to original post : Link