The Invisible ICU Gatekeeper

"...I already told you I cannot leave before my shift ends!" said the gatekeeper.

In August 2021, my mom was hospitalized, and I spent several days and nights in the ICU waiting area of a hospital. As is standard in hospitals, relatives aren’t allowed to visit patients except during fixed visiting hours. A gatekeeper always guards the door to ensure no one sneaks through.

It was 8 PM on a Sunday, and the gatekeeper was diligently performing his duty, preventing unauthorized entry. However, he had started pacing anxiously up and down the lobby. "Nobody can go in before the start of the next visiting hour at 11 PM," he reiterated several times. Those of us in the waiting area wondered why he kept announcing this.

 

An hour later, I overheard a call he received, likely from his family, where he was trying to explain that he could not leave before the end of his shift. My curiosity piqued, so I casually walked up to him and asked "Is something wrong?" "I had promised my family that I would be home early today, but due to short staff on Sundays, I couldn't find anyone to cover for me. I can't leave before 11PM when the night shift guy arrives," he said with a helpless smile.

Another man who overheard our conversation and I both offered to sit in for him, ensuring no one entered the ICU. However, he politely declined, stating he couldn't allow that. Just then, a third elderly person nearby encouraged him to go ahead, assuring him that none of us would enter the ICU until 11 PM, so he wouldn’t get into trouble. After some persuasion, he hesitantly agreed and left for home, leaving the desk unmanned.

For the next two hours, it was heartening to see that none of the 15-20 relatives waiting attempted to enter the ICU. There was one restless guy, a habitual offender, who had tried to enter multiple times throughout the day. He got up from his seat once and walked toward the door but returned before reaching it. It was reassuring that until 11 PM, no one entered the ICU. As soon as the clock neared 11, we all scampered in to pay our loved ones one final visit for the day.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 - The gatekeeper who put his trust in unknown people in good faith.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀 - The people who first engaged the gatekeeper, uncovering his dilemma and seeking a solution.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿 - The senior who assured him we would not break the rules in his absence.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆 - The people in the waiting area who respected the gatekeeper's situation and the influencer's assurance, refraining from taking advantage of the situation.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗿 - The individual who, despite being tempted to break the rules, conformed due to the peer pressure and mutual respect shown by others.

When members of a family, team, organization, or society share the right values and intentions, things tend to go as planned. Outliers can be effectively managed through peer pressure and mutual respect.

"Bees nai dega, pandra dega!"

"...bees nai dega, pandra dega!" [I'll pay 15 and not 20] declared my mom, disregarding the vegetable vendor's protest, even as I grimaced.

My 74-year-old mother and I had started taking evening walks after her recovery from an illness. We would walk around the block, ending at the vegetable market. She'd hold her tripod walking stick in one hand and grasp my arm with the other. Like many mothers, she loved buying her own vegetables & fruits. No matter what price the vendor quoted, she would bargain. Sometimes, I didn't approve of this behavior and would tell her not to bother about bargaining for small items, especially since I didn't want her to exert herself too much.

"Mom, we are out for a walk, not vegetable shopping, and certainly not for exercising our bargaining skills," I told her. Before I could add anything, the vendor said, "Let her talk. We are used to this, and we love it when she comes to buy from us." He said this with a genuine smile. No matter how much she bargained, they were always cordial and understanding. Often, I noticed they would quote low straightaway, yet Mom would still ask them to cut it down further 🙈.

It is common for everyone in society to treat senior citizens with so much more love, respect, and consideration than they would treat people of other age groups.

This behavior is also visible at workplaces where seniors are present. We often admire that elderly co-worker in their 60s, 70s, or 80s, marveling at the experiences they’ve had and keen to listen to what they have to share. It’s so easy to let your guard down and be accepting & receptive when you are in such company, whether in personal or professional spaces.

About the LHS of the image: Now we often order veggies over the phone. A vendor delivers, we pay as billed. Many times, I go to the market to buy veggies, and unlike my mom, I pay whatever they quote. Recently, I felt our regular vendor was overcharging us. Remembering veggie prices doesn't come easily to me, so a few weeks back, I did a market survey and listed down prices. The idea was to be aware of what I was being asked to pay, having a reference list. After a few shopping visits, I started remembering the prices of certain veggies. This shows how effective writing things down can be. While remembering things can be challenging, noting them down and referring to them regularly certainly helps.

While I still can't bargain like my mom, I am sure she is looking down at me and smiling at my effort to avoid overpaying recklessly for veggies.

P.S: Some of you may be surprised by the prices (and puzzled by the mix of Hinglish/Gujarati terms) listed in the image. However, these are the typical rates for the locality I live in, in Mumbai.

P.P.S.: By the way, when was the last time you took your mom (or dad, or both) for an evening stroll? This weekend might be a good time for it if they live with you or nearby. Erm... and make sure there’s no one selling vegetables or fruits around when you do🫣

"You can't just defend! Be aggressive and push to score a goal..."

 "You can't just defend! Be aggressive and push to score a goal..." I told my 6 year old while playing air hockey on the tab...

She refused to change the strategy and kept blocking. I kept hitting hard trying to show her how it's done by using power at different angles and she kept defending...

In no time she was 4-1 up... most of my high power hits were actually rebounding back with the same pace and ended up breaching my defense, as I was in the middle of the field after my power hit and had kept my corner open and vulnerable to the rebound hits...

Lessons learnt :

1. Aggression doesn't always work.

2. Infact it has a high chance of damaging your own goal if not directed well or if one doesn't know how to handle the backlash that could result due to aggression (so often one exhibits aggression while trying to exercise assertion).

3. Age and experience dont always beat the young and inexperienced.

4. Don't advocate your strategy to others unless you are very sure it is the right one for the person, situation and time.

Link to original post : LinkedIn

"....will you be happy with that washing machine 5 years down the line?..."

"...but bhai, it's too expensive!" I exclaimed.

In 2006, after starting my career, I began thinking about spending money on things that might be useful for my family. A washing machine was one such item (we did not have one before). I was making about 12-13k a month as a software engineer, so this was a significant expense. I considered buying a semi-automatic washing machine as it fit within my budget.

Back then, there was no Amazon or Google reviews to easily get information about products, so we all had (and some of us still do) that one friend we'd consult before buying certain items, especially electronics, as we often needed an expert for validation. I asked my friend, Deepak, what he thought about it, expecting validation. He said, "That's a good model, but think about it. Will you be happy with that washing machine five years down the line?"

He saw the confused look in my eyes and started explaining, "You are earning X amount now, but you will earn much more in the next five years. When you use that semi-automatic washing machine five years from now, won't you regret not spending a few thousand extra for a fully automatic machine, which has much higher utility? It's not like you'll buy a washing machine every year, right?" That made me think. I stretched my budget and bought a fully automatic washing machine.

Over the years, this thought process has guided my purchases, whether it was a car, mobile, TV, or oven. I always considered if I would be happy with my choice 5-7 years later. This mindset also applies to decisions like choosing insurance. Often, we don't fully account for our future needs, which could be years or even decades away. The amount we save now on something essential may seem small compared to the long-term utility/benefits.

This principle probably applies to other areas of our lives too. Do we assess the impact of a decision on our future, especially when it comes to making minor adjustments, spending, or investments that we are not comfortable making or deem unnecessary at that point in time? That extra push we consider unnecessary or insignificant now might actually be very significant when we look back in time from the future.

"Where do you see yourself five years down the line?" is a clichéd question. However, "Will you be happy with that five years down the line?" is definitely a very pertinent question to ask ourselves when making decisions with long-term impacts.

𝙋.𝙎.: This post is about investing in essential needs, not luxuries. Don’t twist this principle to justify splurging on the latest iPhone or gadgets beyond your budget. I’m posting this using a 5-year-old phone with 8 colorful vertical lines on the display and plan to keep using it for another 5 years, assuming lines 9, 10, and 11 don’t appear.