"...kal ka bhi 40 bacha hai na, lelena.."

 "...kal ka bhi 40 bacha hai na, lelena.."

["Take Rs. 40 pending from yesterday as well"]

...said the senior citizen sitting next to me while handing over some cash to the coconut vendor at the beach that morning. I raised an eyebrow while sipping on my coconut water.

A few days back I started having coconut water at the beach post my morning jogs. I go to the same vendor daily & I pay him Rs. 60 per coconut. So when I heard the other person is paying only Rs. 40, my ears sprang up.

Perhaps the senior here was his regular customer and hence he might be getting a discounted rate, I told myself. I planned to be a regular too, so maybe I should try and cut a deal with this guy too then, I figured.

So before leaving, when I handed him the money, I cheekily told him - "Now that I'm a regular customer as well, shall I also pay 40?"

The vendor seemed a bit confused and so I said, "Uncle paid 40, so it means your regular customers only pay 40 per coconut right?" The guy started smiling ear to ear and clarified "Sir, the rate is same for all. The uncle here keeps a running account with me and yesterday while he settled, he was Rs.40 short and hence he told me to take the 40 today". There was nothing I could say to that and so I smiled back and started walking towards the exit.

Learning:
1. Our ears often mislead our mind coz we hear

something (at times not knowing the background/context) and start analyzing/judging/deducing things. Sometimes such occurences have a potential to cause really big complications and misunderstandings.

2. Seeking clarification is so underrated. When you seek a clarification, it not only clears up any possible misunderstanding, but also reduces or eliminates the possibility of further heartburn or adverse feelings that one may end up enduring, assuming things/facts that never even existed.

As I walked a few steps away from the vendor, I heard him call back - "Sir, kal se mota malai wala nariyal aapke liye side me rakhunga" ["Sir, from tomorrow I'll reserve a good coconut with thick meat for you"], coz I tell him daily that I like coconuts with thick meat and he'd always say that they are difficult to come by these days.

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"Media will only show news about filmstar's son, not about these martyrs..."

 "Media will only show news about filmstar's son, not about these martyrs..."

...said a friend a while back... while it might be true, we need to understand why this (and such similar media episodes) is true.

If a news app were to push 2 notifications at the same time, one about a filmstar's son getting a bail and another about a soldier being martyred, what percentage of people do we think will click the one about filmstar's son before (if at all) clicking on the other?

Now to tell the media, don't push the other notification, just push the one wouldn't be right. While media has a big role to play in any state, they are after all a business and the consumption ( clicks and other revenue ) metrics will be a considerable factor in determining what gets more print/air time.

It is like a smoker laying blame on a cigarette manufacturer for their smoking habit or I blaming an OTT for making me binge on shows and costing me my health at times. If we stop clicking on / reading about content which we feel should not get as much attention then that is as good as you reducing the purchase of cigarettes or reducing the consumption of any product. The business will be forced to adapt to your behavior and reduce what is not being lapped up.

While the change is humongous in terms of societal behavior, at least at an individual level (before we blame the external party) do we question our behavior towards consumption of any and all products?

Not saying the media should not cover such news - they must, but if you sense they are overdoing it, nothing stops us from not smoking all the cigarettes that come our way. The sticks being manufactured will automatically reduce as a result. Its also about our accountability - and the best thing is that we can control that 100%.

In fact this applies to every choice that we make in our day to day life... the choice is ours to make, till the time we are aware of any influencing factors that lead us towards the choice....

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"Bhai sahab aage khadda hai...sambhalke!"

 "Bhai sahab aage khadda hai...sambhalke!"

[ "Brother, there is a ditch ahead, be careful" ]

...exclaimed a middle aged man carrying a huge bag, advising him to be careful. Am guessing he was a streetside vendor and had his products packed in the bag on his way home. I was on my evening walk and heard the man call the ditch out while I was walking towards the scene - an Audi Q7 I think.

"Pata hai, pata hai" [ "I know, I know" ] said the guy in the driver's seat, in a dismissive manner & continued to move out of the parked position. While he did almost manage to avoid the ditch, a part of his wheel did get in one of the corners but probably because of the large wheel base, he was able to get away with just a jolt.

A slight misjudgement & perhaps he could have got the wheel stuck in the ditch, thereby, potentially damaging the expensive car. On the other hand, just a couple of feet of reverse before turning out ahead would have not only eliminated the risk but also would have saved him from the jolt that he experienced.

I wondered why he did not pay heed to the man passing by!

1. Maybe coz he judged the man by his appearance & did not assign enough importance to his advice going by his perceived societal status? What if a security guard or a friend had alerted him ? Would he have paid more attention & taken a better corrective measure?

2. It did seem he was a regular here (from his response) & was aware of the ditch and had a fair judgement of navigating around it - yet he did fail in avoiding it completely - either due to misjudgement, misplaced confidence or plain arrogance in ignoring the warning.

I wonder if we do the same when we get a feedback/alert/friendly advice from either someone we do not know/barely know or from someone we feel may not be in the best position to give the advice. Guess while one need not action every advice one gets, one can a) atleast receive it cordially b) evaluate it fairly c) if unsure, act on it if one feels the upside of acting on it far outweighs the downside of not acting on it.

The guy here could have easily saved himself from the unpleasant jolt (and the risk of higher damage) had he just taken the advice, suspending his judgement on the source of the advice and his driving abilities.

Lucky are the ones who receive timely advice and feedback, especially unsolicited coz your best well wishers may not be around you all the time and it's great to have acquaintances/colleagues/people/strangers around you who would not mind giving those small nuggets (or two cents as we call it ) from time to time. Some of it may actually help one ditch a possible ditch on their way.

PS: On that note, not sure what's the right term for the thing in the image, so used "ditch" that came top of mind. Not sure if I used advice/advise correctly either. Happy to get feedback/advice on phrasing/grammar/content via DM for any posts that I make - I'll definitely not judge you for it, rather would be grateful for it.

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"boss you guys are just looting tourists and it is so disappointing..."

 "boss you guys are just looting tourists and it is so disappointing..." I retorted over the phone.

This morning we had to check out of our South Goa hotel. We had to go to the other end in North Goa in the morning & then to the Airport in the evening. The local transport lobby here did not let OLA/UBER survive here. The cab guys outside the hotel quoted a fare (just for trip to North) that was equivalent to the one way air fare I paid. I refused to pay such high fare & told them to call me if they decide to cut down on the fare.

In the meanwhile I tried figuring cheaper options. I found out about a cab app and downloaded it. To my shock, the app quoted a fare which was a third of the fare quoted by locals. I went to the hotel reception to check if it was reliable. I was told there is no point booking from the cab app as the local cabbies would not let them in. Right at that moment I got a call - the guy calling (the leader of the cabbies) said at best he will reduce INR 200. That's when I lost my mind and told him what I quoted above. I was clearly cornered into overpaying for a service at a rate 3 times the fair market rate. Their lame argument was that the cab will come empty so we had to pay for to and fro fare. When I asked him if the same cab can drop me at the airport as a part of the deal he refused saying the cab union of North won't allow that . This meant I had to pay a significant sum again in the evening. However, without any options, I agreed to take the cab.

On the way, I struck a conversation with the driver to know more. I was flabbergasted when he said that he fought with the leader there as he wanted much more for the trip. Then he explained the background to me. He told me about :

- people like him who had taken new cars just prior to the pandemic and had a hard time surviving with large debt & no income

- spiraling fuel prices hitting their margins

- political situation affecting their business

- he was earning well at Heathrow Airport but had to return to take care of ailing parents

Gradually my feelings of anger & disappointment had given way to feelings of empathy & gratitude. It is amazing how talking to a person and delving deep into their situation makes you more informed and empathetic. It makes us more accepting. I was feeling s

hort-changed when I opened the cab door to take my seat. By the time I was opening the door again to get down, I was feeling calm and full of gratitude for having a job through the pandemic to even have the ability to take this vacation post our vaccination.

The cabbie here was clearly stuck in a maze of complications which wasn't helping absolutely anyone - neither the tourists nor them but he was just a little pawn in the ugly war going on in the transport business of Goa. All he was doing was his bit for his family.

When we got down he surprisingly offered to drop me in the evening and quoted a fare. It was clearly higher by about 700Rs. I agreed & asked him to pick us at 6pm.

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"Such a big plane and it cannot reverse by itself! "

 "Such a big plane and it cannot reverse by itself! But why can't they go backwards on their own like cars do!...."

....exclaimed my kid earlier this morning. We were at the airport & I was showing her a "tug" (the tractor like automobile that is attached to the front of an airplane to push it backwards from its parked position).

Although many aircrafts are capable of moving themselves backwards on the ground using reverse thrust (a procedure referred to as a powerback), the resulting jet blast or prop wash would cause increased noise, damage to the terminal building or equipment, and hurt airport staff due to high-speed debris. This debris would also be sucked into the engine, as it is in normal use, and cause excessive wear - a major cause of wear on aircraft engines is during ground use. A pushback is therefore the preferred method when ground-handling aircraft. Since the pilots cannot see what is behind the aircraft, steering is done by the pushback tractor driver and not by the pilots.  [Source: Wikipedia]

However, I had to keep it simple for her so I simply said "The plane is too heavy to be able to go back on its own. Cars are lighter so they can, however planes have big engines that only push it ahead and cannot push them backwards".

Got me thinking about how the same applies to people and organizations. Once you grow older/bigger, it increasingly becomes difficult to have the ability to go backwards or take steps in the reverse direction. Unknown to us, the reverse movement/pushback might be needed as the first step towards attaining a position from which we can then thrust ahead and attempt to take flight. It often takes a small yet powerful "tug" like an unexpected person/event/incident to push us back, thereby getting us back on track to give us a chance to fly once again.

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"...look at that fat trainer!"

"...look at that fat trainer!"

... I heard one of the guys walking past me say on the beach this morning.

So if you read my post from a couple of days back, I did a beach training session with my school mate today. The morning beach buzzes with joggers/runners and folks getting trained. A few feet away from where we were training there was this batch of a couple of people being trained by an overweight trainer. A few mins into the drill I overheard this guy who was walking by with his friend comment on this trainer's appearance with a wide grin.

Body-shaming is so ingrained into our system right from childhood that it is indeed difficult to realize when you make a comment on someone being fat/anorexic. However, while everyone aspires to maintain the right amount of body mass, it certainly doesn't stop one from pursuing what they are passionate about. For eg, the best of bollywood choreographers have been overweight yet they belted out innumerable hits where people loved their choreography. I've known a lady with a visual impairment (will talk about her some day) from my college days deliver kick-ass powerpoint presentations month after month.

But I guess it is a slow process of bringing awareness about the need to avoid body-shaming and am sure kids of today are more aware than what we were when we were kids.

Fun-fact - my nick name that some of my cousins still call me with is jaadu (fatso) coz I was apparently chubby and cute when I was a kid. Now there is absolutely no way I ever got offended by it - I rather love it when they call me that even now, but that just shows how in the 80s we normalized such terms and everyone around loved it too !

PS: The message on the image is in Hindi and it translates to "He used to make my erasers disappear during school days and now he is making my calories dissappear"

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"You are a (beep)..."

 "You are a (beep)..."

....he'd keep telling me. (beep) here is a placeholder for a very colorful word he used which is inappropriate to be mentioned here on LinkedIn.

We all love to try new things. Some work some don't. But whatever you try needs to be based on some study, discipline and process. If you take liberty to deviate from the plan then it's you who are to be blamed for the failure and not destiny/external factors. Last year I tried my hand at something new. I was fairly sure I'd be successful at it if I studied about it well and followed up with good execution and discipline. I found someone who was good at it and we soon got pretty comfortable talking about our experience/learnings on a daily basis. While somewhere we both were helping each other become better at it, there was one thing that separated him from me. Ability to stick to the process and plan - without letting emotions bring in a cognitive bias.

Eventually my inability to stick to the plan meant I was failing a lot. Everytime I shared my failed experience with him he'd say "You are a (beep)" followed by his take on why I should not have done what I did.. I'd know he was right and then tried to avoid the same mistakes again. Yet, over a period of time such mistakes kept happening and there came a time when all he replied to me was

"You are a (beep)"
"You are a (beep)"
"You are a (beep)"

..without even bothering to explain (like he used to earlier) coz he knew I knew what I was doing incorrectly and he no longer had to take the effort to repeat his views. It was certainly annoying when I'd share my failure again and all he'd say was "You are a (beep)", yet in a few minutes or hours I'd know he wasn't wrong in calling me out. The word hurt - but I knew it was apt to drive the message home.

We all need that one friend ( or set of friends ) in our personal lives who never hesitate to call out our bull**** or incorrect behaviors/actions, but given that we spend so much of our lives at work, it is so important to have such colleagues turned friends around you at work to poke you or pinch you everytime they notice you are deviating from your desired goal/behavior or plainly indulging in bull**** that needs to be avoided. Colleague/friends at work from whom you are open to receive criticism is something that's as important as having colleagues/friends who are supportive at work.

The bloke I mention here is Manan Sampat and while I dropped whatever I was trying to do while I first met him, we continue to be good friends beyond the episode.

I hope you already have that guy/gal at work who will call you a (beep) when needed. If not, here's wishing you luck to find one soon.

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