The door of vulnerability.

 The door of vulnerability.

The wall that you build around yourself may be very strong and magnificent, yet you will always need to build a door of vulnerability, to let people in from time to time, to open yourself to them without hesitation and to let you explore the world beyond those stellar walls... else it's you and your magnificent self all alone behind the magnificent wall.

The door is probably the weakest structure in any wall/fort - yet, without it, the fort is cut out from the rest of the world. The door is the most vulnerable, yet, the most powerful.

It was one influential paaji (elder brother in Punjabi) from Singapore that got me thinking over it... am yet to finish building mine.

Make that door if you haven't. Start opening it a bit more often if you already have.

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Disability Lies In The Eyes Of The Beholder

 "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"

...they say.. what about disability?

So I see this 3 legged dog almost daily on my morning jogs at the beach. The first day I saw him, I was amazed to see how he was jumping all around and it's tail wagging away in merry.

Today when I saw him I thought of clicking a picture. But I saw it was too close to some lady so I kept jogging. On my way back I spotted it again but I saw it was still walking behind the same lady. Thats when it struck me he is probably with the lady. So I approached her and asked if he is with her... "it's a she" she said smiling... ( and there, I thought.. no matter how much I try to be gender neutral in my talks and words there are still times I fail..)

So I told her how inspiring her dog was. Thats when she said "Her name is Sheeba. She is 13 years old". "I love her spirit I must say" I said... "The doctors say it's her spirit that has got her so far. She has arthritis and has a spinal disease yet she is going strong. We've been coming at the beach for the last 10 years" she added.

After I bid them good bye I pondered about the term "Persons With Disabilities" (PWD). I guess it's a globally acceptable term. But a term which reminds them of a disability surely can't be best option. How about "Persons With Special Abilities"? This dog is good at doing things on 3 limbs which dogs with 4 limbs might not be. She has got a grit way way more than them. Same applies with people isn't it? People with special abilities are thriving at what they do coz they have special abilities that helps them thrive. And if they aren't thriving then it is probably us "normal" people that are a failure. We haven't supported them enough.

Coming back to Sheeba, the dog, She was so inspiring that I felt like petting her - but I have a mild case of Cynophobia (fear of dogs) I think so I try and stay away from them. Next time (probably tomorrow) if I am lucky enough to meet her, I will try and pet her if Neha is fine with it t

oo.

Neha is the lady I mentioned here and I asked her if I can take a picture and write about it if she was okay with it. "I'll tag you, if you wish on LinkedIn/IG/FB when I write about it" I told her.

"I ain't on any of the social media platforms..." is how she dropped the mic as I left from there, with my jaws wide open (in my mind).

Disability Lies In The Eyes Of The Beholder.

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"....did I say I quit? No, "quit" is too strong a term... I am taking an indefinite break... a pause...."

 "....did I say I quit? No, "quit" is too strong a term... I am taking an indefinite break... a pause...."

...said a friend, when we happened to connect with each other and I jokingly asked her if she still drank like a fish, just as she used to once upon a time.

This was around a time when I was wasting a lot of time behind something... something I knew I needed to stop wasting time on and the gateway to that thing was a simple app on my phone. One of my friends suggested I just uninstall the app and that should help me avoid it. It was a good suggestion. It was around that time that I happened to bump into this lady.

"What do you mean?" I asked, curiously.

"You see, it is I who control the alcohol intake now and not the other way round. I need not "quit" because I still like it, I just need to decide when I need to stay away from it and when not to. I haven't had a drop of it in the last one year or so but that doesn't mean I have quit. I have taken a break. A pause. I can go back to it in moderation whenever I wish to."

What she said just hit me like a bolt of lightning. I thought about the challenge I was facing then. I knew I was good at this thing but I had to either focus on getting better with discipline or just quit. Quitting was becoming a bit difficult. So I decided I needed to take a break. A one week break to think over it. The break eventually extended to a month and then I decided I don't want to define the length of the break. Let it be indefinite. If in future I feel like going back to it, why not! But I haven't quit yet.

The app stays on my phone. I no longer tap on it. It stays there very much in my easily accesible apps page. But I haven't uninstalled it. I control the app and the app doesn't control me now. But it doesn't mean I will never open it in my life again. Sometimes it's not always about quitting.

Yes, if it's a vice that you must quit - then you must quit. This anecdote is not to discourage people who have successfully quit things like smoking or other forms of substance abuse. This is about the other things in life which aren't bad - but excess of it can be bad if they aren't giving you returns worthy of your time and efforts.

A pause. A break. Easier to execute than asking your mind to quit for certain situations. For all you know, it could be as good as giving up on it. But "quit" is too strong a term, at times.

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"Why do we need to go on this small and dirty boat to reach to the other one....?"

 "Why do we need to go on this small and dirty boat to reach to the other one....?"

...asked my kid a couple of weeks back when we were in Goa. We were going for parasailing which needed us to be on a bigger boat the chute was on. So I explained how the big boat cannot come to the shore else it will get stuck in the sand and how these small boats cannot go in the deep sea as they aren't equipped to sail deeper in the sea...

A dinghy is often used to go from the shore to a big boat and vice versa. It is also called a tender—because it tends to the needs of the larger craft. Moderately sized recreational boats call their tenders dinghies. [Source: Marineinsights]

A few mins back I just saw another dinghy at the beach (Sorry the picture ain't clear). The larger boat can boast of daily deep explorations yet cannot sail back to the shore and the small dinghy will never be able to go on the deep sea but gets its daily dose of the sea and gets back home to the shore. Yet the dinghy may ponder how it must be like to go deeper in the seas and perhaps envy the larger boat. In turn, the larger boat may be used to the daily explorations of the deep sea and might ponder how the shore feels like - coz even when not in use, it'll be anchored and floating over the waves all through day and night all by itself. And without the dinghy, no one will ever be able to use it.

Luckily we get to select what area of our life we want to be a larger boat in and what area we prefer to be a dinghy in. We rely on dinghies for several things in our lives yet we are dinghies in the larger scheme of things, tending to larger boats... and even the largest of boats might end up envying the sea which has limitless possibilities.

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"..that's it... let's head back home..."

 "..that's it... let's head back home..." was the first thought that struck my mind...

A kilometer into the jog at the beach and my shoe gave up on me...

I stopped in my tracks, dejected, as I wasn't keen to terminate the jog so abruptly. I looked at the calm sea in front of me and told myself "the shoes aid the jogging, they aren't absolutely required for the activity. Let's do it without the shoes today. And this is the beach! People walk here barefoot all the time, what do you need the shoes for?"

I could probably keep the shoes at the coconut vendor's cart and continue with my jog...but...the vendor was a kilometer away so I picked up the shoes in my hand and started walking towards his cart...

"but why aren't we jogging?" I asked myself..."ofcourse you can't jog with your shoes in your hand! You'd look like a clown!" I shot back... "Are you jogging for yourself or for the world to see how great you look when you jog?" ... and so there I was... jogging with my shoes in one hand... a couple of passing folks looked at me in amusement while I was at it, but in a few moments I was at the coconut vendor's cart. I requested him to let me keep my shoes at his cart and continued on my jog with just my socks on....

1. So many small perceived problems can be solved with much ease, only if we can question ourselves.

2. Thinking about what others think about us won't get us far.

3. Building relationships help. Atleast I could complete the rest of the jog with my hands free.

4. Malaiwala nariyal paani rocks.

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"...kal ka bhi 40 bacha hai na, lelena.."

 "...kal ka bhi 40 bacha hai na, lelena.."

["Take Rs. 40 pending from yesterday as well"]

...said the senior citizen sitting next to me while handing over some cash to the coconut vendor at the beach that morning. I raised an eyebrow while sipping on my coconut water.

A few days back I started having coconut water at the beach post my morning jogs. I go to the same vendor daily & I pay him Rs. 60 per coconut. So when I heard the other person is paying only Rs. 40, my ears sprang up.

Perhaps the senior here was his regular customer and hence he might be getting a discounted rate, I told myself. I planned to be a regular too, so maybe I should try and cut a deal with this guy too then, I figured.

So before leaving, when I handed him the money, I cheekily told him - "Now that I'm a regular customer as well, shall I also pay 40?"

The vendor seemed a bit confused and so I said, "Uncle paid 40, so it means your regular customers only pay 40 per coconut right?" The guy started smiling ear to ear and clarified "Sir, the rate is same for all. The uncle here keeps a running account with me and yesterday while he settled, he was Rs.40 short and hence he told me to take the 40 today". There was nothing I could say to that and so I smiled back and started walking towards the exit.

Learning:
1. Our ears often mislead our mind coz we hear

something (at times not knowing the background/context) and start analyzing/judging/deducing things. Sometimes such occurences have a potential to cause really big complications and misunderstandings.

2. Seeking clarification is so underrated. When you seek a clarification, it not only clears up any possible misunderstanding, but also reduces or eliminates the possibility of further heartburn or adverse feelings that one may end up enduring, assuming things/facts that never even existed.

As I walked a few steps away from the vendor, I heard him call back - "Sir, kal se mota malai wala nariyal aapke liye side me rakhunga" ["Sir, from tomorrow I'll reserve a good coconut with thick meat for you"], coz I tell him daily that I like coconuts with thick meat and he'd always say that they are difficult to come by these days.

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"Media will only show news about filmstar's son, not about these martyrs..."

 "Media will only show news about filmstar's son, not about these martyrs..."

...said a friend a while back... while it might be true, we need to understand why this (and such similar media episodes) is true.

If a news app were to push 2 notifications at the same time, one about a filmstar's son getting a bail and another about a soldier being martyred, what percentage of people do we think will click the one about filmstar's son before (if at all) clicking on the other?

Now to tell the media, don't push the other notification, just push the one wouldn't be right. While media has a big role to play in any state, they are after all a business and the consumption ( clicks and other revenue ) metrics will be a considerable factor in determining what gets more print/air time.

It is like a smoker laying blame on a cigarette manufacturer for their smoking habit or I blaming an OTT for making me binge on shows and costing me my health at times. If we stop clicking on / reading about content which we feel should not get as much attention then that is as good as you reducing the purchase of cigarettes or reducing the consumption of any product. The business will be forced to adapt to your behavior and reduce what is not being lapped up.

While the change is humongous in terms of societal behavior, at least at an individual level (before we blame the external party) do we question our behavior towards consumption of any and all products?

Not saying the media should not cover such news - they must, but if you sense they are overdoing it, nothing stops us from not smoking all the cigarettes that come our way. The sticks being manufactured will automatically reduce as a result. Its also about our accountability - and the best thing is that we can control that 100%.

In fact this applies to every choice that we make in our day to day life... the choice is ours to make, till the time we are aware of any influencing factors that lead us towards the choice....

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