"...why are these not bursting!!!..."

"...𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨!!..." I asked a friend.

"...𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵!!.." he said...

Most of my water balloons were not bursting, instead, they kept bouncing off every surface they were thrown at, just like Flubber.

It was a long awaited Holi in the 1990s & a day prior, mom had bought me a nice pichkari & a few packets of water balloons. I was super excited and I woke up early in the morning to fill all the balloons with water. Now, if you are a kid, filling water balloons can be very tricky & it can try your patience.

𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞: Deciding on how to fill the water. Using a tap or a pichkari? Both had their set of challenges.

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞: Deciding how much water to fill in each balloon. If you fill too much, they'd either just burst while you are filling them, or when you try to tie the knot or they'd simply give up in the bag where you'd store them with other balloons. If you fill too less, they'd not burst at all & would just bounce around when thrown at others.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞: The most difficult one, was tieing the knot after you filled the water. It was a herculean task! So my mom & sisters taught me to use threads to just tie up the mouth of the balloons, till the time I learned to actually knot them up with my index finger & thumb (which was like a huge achievement).

If you were to look at the water as "𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲''/''𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬'' or other such intense emotions & the balloon as our mind;

1. It is 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 to be aware of the 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞 of the worries/stress. There are taps with unlimited supplies & there are pichkaris that give short bursts of it. We can often control the source/flow of stress. Some stress is good & required.

2. It is 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 to be aware of the 𝗮𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 of worry/stress we will allow to enter the mind voluntarily. It is nearly always voluntary. The mind is ours & we choose to fill it with thoughts to achieve the desired state. Too much of it can blow our mind to pieces. Too little can make it bouncy & it will not be able to achieve anything while it keeps bouncing around from one place to another, slowly wearing out due to constant friction. 

3. And finally, it is 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 to know/learn when & how to stop the flow & 𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐭 when we feel we have the optimum amount we need or when we know we have hit the maximum amount we can take in. Without a timely & proper knot, we risk leakage,  making the mind less potent & counter-productive.

So knot it up and move on to the next one, and then the next one, and then the next one. Surely, there will be the odd one that will burst or will be bouncy, but it's all good till the time they are just the odd ones in our lives. 

Eventually, over the years, we have been made aware of the perils of using water balloons & they were rightfully banned. 

Here's wishing everyone a safe and fun-filled Holi!

"Are you expecting...?"

"𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨...?"

"𝘈𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘥...?"

"𝘈𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯...?"

"𝘈𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯...?"

"𝘈𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘦.....?"

"𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦...?" 

"𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴...?"

"𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯...?"

"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺/𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬...?"

"𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘫𝘰𝘣...?"

"𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘳/𝘴𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘦... 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘴...?"

Do you ask some of these questions to the male candidates you interview? [𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀]

No? Good. What about female candidates then? [𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐁]

No? Great. But do you still "𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤" about some of these when you interview women? [𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐂]

No? Brilliant! [𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐃]

𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀 & 𝐁: Erm, we need to work on this.

𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐂: You are half way there!

𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐃: You are a rockstar!

There isn't probably much to be worry if you are still at "𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐂" and do think about some of these sometimes. That's probably because of the way many of us have been conditioned by the society to think over the years for decades. However, what is required is the need to acknowledge the bias and then work towards breaking it, eliminating it. Awareness is the first big step. A few more conscious steps need to be taken next to move towards conquering the deep rooted bias. So if you are at A/B, try to go up to C and if you are at C, try and attain D.

On this #InternationalWomensDay let's take the pledge to #BreakTheBias

"....ek malai wala dena..."

"....ek malai wala dena..."

...said the lady, to the coconut vendor (let's call him Anna) at the beach earlier this morning ["...give me one with good meat..."]

I looked up, while I was sipping on my nariyal paani (coconut water) when I heard it. I was glad to see someone as fond of malai as I am. Usually at the beach I see people asking for a paani wala nariyal (one with no meat). Anna used his special ring (that many coconut vendors usually wear on one of their fingers to knock on the coconuts) to find out which one has malai/meat and sliced up one of the coconuts for her.

The name coconut is derived from the 16th-century Portuguese word coco, meaning 'head' or 'skull' after the three indentations on the coconut shell that resemble facial features. Coco and coconut apparently came from 1521 encounters by Portuguese and Spanish explorers with Pacific Islanders, with the coconut shell reminding them of a ghost or witch in Portuguese folklore called coco (also côca). [ Source: Wikipedia ]

I finished sipping on my coconut water and handed over the coconut to Anna for getting the malai out. The primary reason I buy coconuts at the beach is to enjoy the creamy & tender coconut malai. The coconut water is just an additional bonus. Anna handed the coconut back to me after digging the malai up and right then I saw something unusual. The lady who had also ordered a malai laden coconut just threw away the coconut in the bin after sipping all the water and reached out to pay Anna. I kept looking at the sight, a bit confused. 

"Why did she ask for a malai wala nariyal if she did not want to have the malai?" I asked Anna, rather curiously. "Some people buy the malai wala nariyal only because the water is sweeter in those. They don't like  malai" explained Anna, as I was gobbling up the last couple of malai pieces, feeling not so great thinking about malai that I just saw go to waste.

- To a common man, all coconuts look the same but the coconut vendors easily understand the presence ( & thickness ) of meat within a coconut with just a couple of knocks. The same is the case with great people/leaders probably. A couple of knocks (figuratively speaking), and they know which individual is good at what. 

- Two different leaders may prefer the same individual/team player even though both of them may be interested in different aspects/skills that the person brings to the table - yet, both the aspects/skills might be closely knit/interdependent, making the individual a common choice for multiple diverse roles/requirements.

"....bitwa ke pass gpay hai sahab... mujhe ye sab nahi samajhta..."

"....bitwa ke pass gpay hai sahab... mujhe ye sab nahi samajhta..."

....he said. [Son has gpay sir, I don't get all this].

We have an Iron Man we usually go to. Not the Avengers wala, but the guy who irons clothes. An Istry wala. I guess "presser" is the right term for it.

He operates from a small room which is also his home. He presses clothes outside the home on a table and his brother presses them on a table inside. There is a bed on which his son ( 20 something ) is usually seen sitting on. Next to it, his wife (in a ghoonghat) is seen sitting on the floor and cooking (I usually go to pick up clothes late in the evening). 

Everytime I visit him, I am fascinated by the son and the wife. The son looks like a model. Always working on a high-end Dell laptop. The way he is built (well toned body), groomed & dressed usually - he'd make most onlookers admire him. Proper model/actor material. The wife is entrusted with the responsibility of maintaining the cash. Everytime one pays, the Ironman outside passes the money to his brother, who hands it over to the lady, who in turn keeps the money in a box and returns change, if any, while she continues cooking. The aroma of her cooking is always enticing & often reminds me of a prose from my primary school English textbook titled "Tit for Tat" (where a poor man with just a piece of bread smells something cooking nearby & puts his bread over the steaming food hoping that the steam entering his bread would make it tasty). 

The other day I went to collect ironed clothes in a hurry and forgot to carry cash. I asked him if it would be okay to pay online via Paytm or Googlepay. That's when he called his son out with his phone so that I could pay. The handsome hunk came out and requested me to scan the barcode from his phone very courteously and thanked me for the payment. "What do you do?'' I asked him. "Sir, I work as a software development engineer,'' he replied swiftly, in a very polished tone, before heading back in to continue working on his laptop. 

It is always heartwarming to know that the sons & daughters of most of today's maids, cooks, drivers, garbage pickers, auto drivers, pressers and other similar workers are ( or will ) progressing to the next level by means of proper education, thereby setting up a strong base for pivoting the lives of their family members for the better. Only apt to call all these parents who enable them to do so as Iron Men/Women.

"Please clap. Taali bajao sab log..."

"Please clap. Taali bajao sab log... As soon as you see that applaud light turn on, keep clapping till it goes off" 

"Now raise your hand and wave left to right. Smile while you do it.."

"Now laugh loudly".

It was 2001.   A few college friends had got free passes to watch a dance show called Razzmatazz which we all used to watch every week. We were super excited. On the day of the recording, I picked up my best outfit, ironed it nicely and rushed to the studio at 10 am.

It was a huge studio and it was packed with the audience, mostly college going kids. For some reason, there was no air conditioning or perhaps it wasn't effective. So an hour went by as we waited for the action to start while we were sweating in our fancy clothes. Nearly 2 hours later, some guy came on stage. He wasn't the anchor or any celebrity (we were told there would be some celebrity judges for the show). He announced that the show would begin shortly. In the mean time, he wanted us to do what he was about to tell us. For the next 45 min, he told us to assume we were watching something nice on stage and do stuff like clapping, cheering, laughing and waiving hands in tandem. 

An hour more passed by and there was still no action on the stage. The heat was getting unbearable and so was the hunger, so we decided to leave. Outside the studio, we found a guy selling samosas on a bicycle. People who know me know that I am nuts about samosas. All through college, I used to have 2 samosas a day. So spotting a guy selling samosas while we were starving was like spotting an Oasis in the desert. We immediately bought some samosas and boy oh boy! Were they good! Maybe the hunger was acting up, but all of us loved them so much we each had about 4 of them each before we came back home, dejected.

A few weeks later, while watching an episode, I was shocked to spot us waiving and clapping at a dance performance, not once but multiple times. I was stunned for a moment and only then did I realize how editing works. Apparently, the whole audience piece was shot separately and the dance acts were captured separately and all of it was weaved into an episode seamlessly. 

So often, what we see in life is far from reality. Be it televised shows or a situation in real life. Often there is more to it than meets the eye, but unless we are lucky/vigilant to spot it, we mostly miss the fact.

The reason this memory got a nice spot in my mind is only & only as the memory of "one of the best samosas I've ever had". Some days we set out planning to make a great memory and we return back home making a great memory, yet the reasons for it could be entirely unexpected.

By the way, try samosa usal/misal some day. It is mind blowing.

International Mother Language Day

"How was your day...." "Let me take the bag...." "Let's wait for your friend...."

Today my kid's school van driver was not available & hence I went to pick up my kid from school. Nearly every time I go to her school, I hear parents talk to their kids in English, whereas every time I see my kid I ask "Su Kairu Aaje?" meaning "what did you do today?" in Gujju, which is my mother tongue. Yes, we opted for an English medium school as against a vernacular one as that does give the kid an edge in a country where English is used commonly for work- related communication. When the kid was in pre-primary, the teachers told all parents to try and converse with kids in English so that their language improves which is a valid point too. What though is a bit surprising is that many parents prefer to speak to their kids in English almost all the time. In some ways, even I am guilty of speaking to my gujju friends in English (or Hindi) and when I think about it, at times we do tend to attach a stigma to using our mother tongue outside our homes, if not within it. 

Please note, I am in no way calling it a wrong or right behavior, but it is just an observation. I was just discussing this with my wife and, incidentally, I saw a post on LinkedIn which mentioned that today, Feb 21st, is International Mother Language Day and thought about sharing this. 

While I tried to Google why it is called "mother" tongue & not "father" tongue, the findings weren't conclusive, yet the theme that came out ( as found in a BBC article) is "In this metaphor, language is seen as coming from your primary caregiver, the person who looked after you most when you were young, and traditionally this was mothers."

Let's be proud of our roots and appreciate the mother tongue and not hesitate to use it openly in our personal spaces.

(The text in the image reads "Kem Cho" , meaning "How Are You" in Gujarati ).

"The geyser doesn't work..."

"The geyser doesn't work..." 

...mom had told us all. This was when I was around 6-7 yrs old & we had stayed in that new house for as many years. So, as a middle class family, we always heated bathing water in a large vessel on the gas stove. This continued for 20 yrs.

Then, when I was around 20 & studying engineering, I once asked mom "Why is this geyser not working? Why did the builder provide it then?" "That's how it came when we bought the flat. The builder forgot to give a connection to the geyser,'' she said. "Let me try atleast" I suggested. "No!! Don't ever touch that switch, you could get a big shock!" she warned me in a stern voice. This is what she had always told us over the years & we were always scared of that heavy looking switch. 

A few weeks passed & I still couldn't understand why the builder had given a non-functional geyser. So one day, without asking mom, I took a belan (the wooden roller used to make chapatis) & went to the bathroom. I was aware that the wooden belan would protect me from a possible electrical shock. I pushed the dreaded switch on (the dangerous red light glowed) with the belan and voila! A miracle! Steaming hot water started flowing from the tap & I screamed "Mummy, come here, quick!" Mom came hurriedly & I told her what I had just done & we both kept staring at the hot water flowing. The feeling was no less than witnessing a Godly miracle unfold! "How can it be!" my mom asked in disbelief. "I was told this geyser doesn't work and that we should never touch that big switch!" she said, still shocked at the sight. Definitely not the kind of "shock" she had warned us about.

So finally we started using that geyser. Eventually, after a few years, we renovated the house & installed a new one. Earlier today, I was at a neighbor's place & saw the same geyser and clicked it. "It's still working as it was 40 years back,'' he claimed with pride.

I came back home & told mom about it & we discussed how we had suffered for 20 long yrs, enduring uncountable mishaps that had occurred while heating the water on the gas! Ignorance is not always bliss. Mom, dad & us 3 siblings had not dared to turn that dreaded switch on even once in all those years. I still do not know who told Mom that it was not working but what is unbelievable is how all of us in the family never touched that switch believing the geyser was not working as Mom had told us so. The story is so unbelievable that I am sure some of you reading this might really feel that this is a fictional story, but no part of it is fiction. It's as unbelievable as it sounds.

That's life. So often the things we are looking for are right in front of us, hiding in plain sight, the way we want it to be, but perhaps we are living in disbelief or not looking at them because we were told/conditioned to not look/think about them. We will often endure inconvenience & pain for a long time than think about what's available readily and easily to put us out of our miseries.