"...Kitni stories likhta hai. Kaam kab karta hai...?"

 "...Kitni stories likhta hai. Kaam kab karta hai...?"

...asked a friend recently when we met. [You write a lot of stories, when do you work?]

In response to that, my first reaction was a blank stare. Then it hit me that he was actually genuinely curious and I thought it would be worth a discussion. The rest of the talk was in Hindi (and it was fun to converse in Hindi, but I'll translate it to English for the readers' benefit).

"We'll come to that in a bit. First tell me, I heard you watch Anupama?" I asked. Its a daily show my wife tells me many people in the country watch - I have nothing against it though. "Yea, actually my mom and wife used to watch it. Eventually, I started watching it along with them. Just a habit now" he replied. "..and you go to the gym daily?" I continued. "Yes, I try to go atleast on weekdays. But this one is a good habit, right?" he asked, matter-of-factly. "Of course. And how many cigarettes do you smoke in a day? I am sure you end up taking smoke breaks at work due to it?" I tightened the screws now. "Abey woh sun legi! Tu marwaega! ["She will hear you! You will have me killed!"], he protested, while putting a finger on his lips to tell me to not talk any more about it. The Mrs. was just a few feet away from where we were and, clearly, she wasn't thrilled about his smoking habit.

"So, you waste time watching Anupama, you waste your time at the gym daily, you even waste your time in the office taking smoke breaks and I am sure you waste many hours doing things other than work. When do you work?" I asked, grinning now. The point had probably hit home as he started laughing, but I still felt the need to ensure it, so I added - "It takes me just a few mins to write about something and most of the time I write when I am on my evening walk. Otherwise too, if gymming works for your physical fitness, writing aids my mental wellbeing. If smoking breaks help rejuvenate your mind, writing breaks do the same for mine. I don't need to stop or impede my work to write!" I signed off, as the wives walked over and the conversation ended.

"...I do not appreciate the tone used by him in the email..."

"...I do not appreciate the tone used by him in the email..."

...I told my manager, fuming after a heated mail exchange with this guy. Lets call him Gagan. 

[𝗙] Gagan was a peer in another department. Whatever my team worked on, passed through Gagan's team & they scrutinized it as part of their job. [𝗦] Gagan came across as a headstrong person. Never minced words. There would often be a lot of questions from him on our work. I often sensed some hostility from his side. Too many things that could have passed through without the need for clarification were scrutinized/questioned.

Once I was on a vacation & there were a barrage of emails from him. So here I was, shooting out email after email in response to his queries (which sounded like accusations to my mind). Then at a point, I stopped replying & shot an email to my boss conveying what I quoted above. Later that night, I worked on some data for an hour and sent out a long email (yep, as long as my stories) with every data point possible to address past & possible future queries on that topic & the issue was put to rest, but I had added Gagan to the "I hate this guy" list. 

[𝗡] Over the next few months though, we started exhibiting mutual respect for each other. His queries reduced. My team & I ensured we provided adequate data points while sending information to them for processing. This ensured the chances of a query came down drastically. One evening at an office party, we let our guards down a bit. We discussed about things other than work & figured that we were similar in many ways. The ice broke. As time passed, we became something that I never thought I would ever call us - Friends. [𝗣] We understood each other's working styles better & trusted each other more. [𝗔] Unfortunately, just as we were progressing as friends, he left the firm. 

The episode reminded me of Tuckman's stages of group development as taught by our wonderful professor #shailajakarve in her OB (Organizational Behavior) classes. As per his theory, there are 4 stages of group development - Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing & Adjourning. These phases are all necessary and inevitable in order for a team to grow, face up to challenges, tackle problems, find solutions, plan work, and deliver results. Gagan & I experienced this first hand. Each stage indicated by [𝗙/𝗦/𝗡/𝗣/𝗔] above.

We've all learned the basics of magnetism in school. Opposites attract and similar poles repel. We never get to select our peers. While we may find comfort in ones who are opposite to us, we may find ones similar to us and repel (figuratively speaking) them. However, sometimes it takes time to realize that both of us are pointing towards the same North pole/goal. Its okay to be not attracted, but its not necessary to go head to head. Two North poles can very well move in the same direction, side by side.

If you are currently struggling with a Gagan (in your personal/professional life), don't worry, Tuckman's got your back! 

"Mom, I want a cycle"

"Mom, I want a cycle," I kept pestering her when I was around 7.

"Your cousin has a cycle that he no longer uses. Use it for a while. Then we will buy you a new one," she said. We took it.

"Mom, I want a bigger cycle. All my friends have one," I told her a year later.

"Accomplish this task," she said, setting a goal, "and we will buy you a new one."

A few months later, after accomplishing the goal, I reminded her, "Mom, you had promised you would buy me a new cycle once I achieve this."

The next week, she took me to Upadhyay Cycle Mart, and we bought an amazing green cycle called Brute Force.

My school was 4 km away. I used to take a school bus until 4th grade and then the BEST public transport bus until 6th grade.

"Mom, can I go to school on my cycle? I have seen some older kids do that. I can too." I asked one day, unleashing all my charm. This one was a big ask. The way from my home to school involved multiple big & busy streets, a notorious sub-way, and busy junctions. The roads had heavy vehicles at all times. So the answer was a big "NO." But, as usual, I kept at it, pestering her to allow me to go on the cycle. Miraculously, one day, she said, "okay, but promise me you will be very careful; it is very dangerous cycling all the way to school."

Little did she know what was to come next. The neighbors & relatives were all shocked at what she was putting her child through, risking the kid's life this way! "You must be really crazy to allow such a small kid to cycle 4 km through such dense traffic and dangerous streets," said one of the neighbors. "Everything will be fine. He will be careful, I am sure," she assured the neighbor, though I sensed she was assuring herself more while saying it.

For the next 3 years until the end of school, I rode my cycle. Another friend from nearby joined me too. We did have a few scary moments, took a few tumbles, suffered a lot of bruises, but in the end, we made great memories. I had my own "vehicle" for transport, and I felt like a boss! If mom hadn't empowered me, trusted me, I would have never made those awesome memories. From the first tricycle, first bicycle, first bike to the first car, the fuel that drives the wheels of every vehicle I have ridden/driven is the belief and empowerment that she has entrusted me with.

Goal setting, financial planning, empathy, empowerment, emotional intelligence, problem-solving, integrity, motivation, resource management—you name it, and they have it! We all look up to several seniors/leaders for how they exhibit leadership traits that inspire us, but we all often forget about that one leader that we witness from the day we open our eyes on this planet. The leader who doesn't even know they are a great leader and treats their kids all their lives as if they are the leaders.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers, grandmothers, and siblings/fathers/caregivers who stepped up to the role of a mother. The best leaders. The best teachers. The best friends.

"...Either you are crazy or great!..."

"...Either you are crazy or great!..."

"If I become successful, then I'm great or else I'm crazy..." says Shreyas Talpade, while playing Pravin Tambe, in the movie Kaun Pravin Tambe. 

An unreal yet real story about a person who was stubborn about making it to a Ranji team, which he did, eventually (and I understood the actual meaning of the word "eventually" after watching the movie yesterday evening.) While some players achieve the goal of making it to Ranji in their teens, others in their 20s, yet others in their 30s, this bloke achieved it in his 40s, after making an IPL debut at the age of 41 years & 212 days, after a gritty chase. The chase to catch that ever elusive dream of playing a Ranji Trophy game.

While we've often heard and read about how famous entrepreneurs have cracked it big time in their 50s, 60s or even 70s, to make a debut on the international sports scene (though the IPL is not the same as an ODI or Test played internationally, it is nearly there) at the age of 41 𝗶𝘀 impossible. Now, the "𝗶𝘀" in the prior statement has been converted to a "𝘄𝗮𝘀" -  that's the power of grit and determination as shown brilliantly in this movie. 

Also, sometimes, an ordinary dal becomes brilliant when you introduce a tadka (tempering) into the mix. A special mention for one of my favorite actors, Ashish Vidyarthi, who played the role of coach Vidya Paradkar. There are very few actors today who only need a few minutes of screen time in an entire movie to make a huge impact and Ashish is that brilliant tadka in this movie. It was a joy to witness your craft, Ashish. The intricate home scenes reminded me of the fact that some of the greatest people who become coaches/mentors/teachers/trainers are intrinsically driven to derive utmost joy from their subjects' success while having no affinity for material wealth. 

Shreyas Talpade reminded me of another of his great role when he played a cricketer in Iqbal. Watch this movie if you still haven't. Its streaming on Disney+ Hotstar and you won't regret spending your time watching it.

To end this post with where it started, I guess you gotta be crazy, if you want to have a shot at being great, or atleast land up somewhere in-between crazy and great knowing that you gave it your best shot...it is better to land somewhere in crazy land than get lost in oblivion space...

"...Jimishbhai, kya kya activity hai...mereko toh bahut tension aa raha hai bhai...."

"...Jimishbhai, kya kya activity hai...mereko toh bahut tension aa raha hai bhai...."

...said Arifbhai, a day prior to his day at the Assessment Centre [AC]. ["Jimish bro, what all activities are planned...I am very tensed bro"]

At eClerx, we used to conduct ACs for all managerial promotions. Every nominee was assessed on a set of competencies by ways of different activities like role play, group discussions & other such tools. Each received an aggregate score based on how they did and then this score went in as an input for their promotion decision-making process. 

Arif was a nice admin guy. Good at his work. Good technical skills. But he struggled a bit with verbal English delivery. Unfortunately, in corporate set-ups in India, we use the English language for all written & verbal communication. While he was pretty decent at it, he lacked the confidence to speak freely in such group setups & forums. So when he was nominated, he was obviously stressed. 

I was managing the ACs, so my boss & I had tried to put him in a peer group with other similar guys who were technically good at their job but had similar communication challenges. So when he came to me wanting to know more about it, all I could tell him was that he should not worry & give it his best shot. 

The next day, he couldn't talk much in the group discussion. Though he did try to speak, he seemed to have been overwhelmed by the situation. Later in the day, it was time for his role play. We had given him a case of an upset internal customer and I was to play that role. I started off blasting him (as part of the act). He did well to tackle me but I noticed he was unable to put his thoughts into words, so I abruptly switched to Hindi & we continued with the rest of the role play in Hindi. Finally, it was time for his interview & the leader who interviewed him also used a mix of English & Hindi. At the end of the day, when the scores came out, Arif did well, but was in the lower half.

A week later, there was a long discussion about the ACs & the leadership agreed that something needed to change. The guys from MBA colleges and ones good at English speaking were doing better at the ACs and seemed to have an undue advantage at times. So it was decided to relook at the process and make it more fair. Eventually, a call was taken to stop using ACs for deciding promotions. Assessment Centre was rechristened as a Development Centre. The focus was to assess skills and competencies and use the outcome for the colleagues' development. It was delinked from promotions. 

Inspite of not ranking high in the AC, Arif was promoted. The decision was taken based on his performance and potential as assessed by the leaders, as they knew the AC scores weren't necessarily a true reflection of it due to the inherent flaws in the process.

Over the weekend, I got news that Arifbhai had passed. Passed on to a place too high for any of us to reach him. Promoted to an angel. R.I.P. Arifbhai, you will be missed. 

"...but it is impossible to pedal up this slope...!"

"...but it is impossible to pedal up this slope...!"

...declared the little missy.

After having learned to cycle on flat surfaces, I thought it was time for her next learning. Cycling up a slope and then learning to control the speed while going down one. There is a cycling park (with a little flyover) nearby, so yesterday evening we went there.

For the first round, madam just stopped cycling within about 3-4 metres of the upslope. Apparently, it was impossible to pedal up that slope. "Ok, I'll give you a slight push throughout the upslope, but then you are on your own down the slope. Keep your hands on the brakes, you will need to use them to control your speed, else you risk hitting something or someone if you lose control,'' I said. With some struggle, she managed to go down the slope. "Before you approach the upslope next time, increase your focus and pack in all your energy to speed up just before the start. It's difficult to start an upslope at slow speeds,'' I told her.

For the second round, she managed to go beyond the first few metres on her own up the slope but again stopped, looking back at me, her eyes saying "see, I told you, impossible!" So I again gave her a push & a pep talk. "Every time you go upslope, all you need to do is go a bit further on your own than the previous round. At the end of 20 rounds, you will be able to go up all the way without my help then" I assured her. 

For the next several rounds, she made progress, but by the time the park shut, we had not accomplished the task of going up the entire slope without support. Besides that, in the second last round down the slope, she took a nice little tumble. "I did not use the brakes as I was sure I could go further without braking, but then I hit the bricks on the side & fell. But I am not hurt." she claimed. "Never mind, but be prepared for some bruises and blood - some of these falls can be nasty. So be careful, yet be prepared" I warned her, as we walked out of the park, drenched in sweat, thanks to the relentless summer heat.

Be it a new relationship, goal, assignment, role or habit :

- Till we are on a steady surface, it all seems fine. It is the ups & downs that bring new challenges.

- Focussed energy & agility prepare us better for facing the steep upslopes.

- Even then, we all may need some support initially. Thereafter, only multiple iterations/practice can help us get better subsequently.

- When things are going great (effortless downhill ride) the application of brakes becomes crucial. Use too little & we risk a mishap. Use too much & we risk ruining the joy of a thrilling journey.

- Falls & bruises are imminent. While nothing can truly prepare us for them, being mindful about their possibility still might help.

We could not achieve the entire goal yesterday. But we aren't going away anywhere. Neither is the cycle nor the park. And most definitely not the slope. We are gonna be there again to conquer that upslope and mindfully enjoy the downslope.

"...Daddy, why do some horses have their eyes covered with patches...?"

"...Daddy, why do some horses have their eyes covered with patches...?"

...asked the voice of a little girl.

It was somewhere in 2013. My wife & I were visiting a hill station called Mahabaleshwar. On our way back, we stopped at a tourist point called the Table Land. You can ride a horse there. Based on your riding proficiency, you may either enjoy a slow walk, a trot or a mighty gallop across the Table Land. 

While we were waiting, we saw a beautiful black horse (his saddle read "Salman") gallop towards us. The guy riding it was clearly a pro. The guy managing the horse saw us admiring it and asked "Sir, would you like to ride it too?" He saw the hesitation on our faces & added "I'll take you for a slow walk and we can increase the pace only if you feel like it." Reluctantly, my wife & I grabbed the saddle and mounted on Salman's back. As Salman was about to move, I heard a little voice asking what I quoted above. "They are there so that the horse looks ahead and not sideways sweety. Such things are removed once the horse is back in its stable at the end of the day,'' said the dad, as Salman started walking.

Later, I looked up the internet to read about those patches and it turns out they are called "blinkers".  Blinkers, sometimes known as blinders, are a piece of horse tack that prevent the horse from seeing to the rear and, in some cases, to the side. Blinkers are usually made of leather or plastic cups placed on either side of a horse's eyes. Many racehorse trainers believe that blinkers keep horses focused on what is in front, encouraging them to pay attention to the race rather than to distractions such as crowds. Additionally, driving horses commonly wear blinkers to keep them from being distracted or spooked, especially on crowded city streets. [Source: Wikipedia]

Yesterday, on my way to work, I spotted a carriage being pulled by a couple of horses and they were sporting blinkers. The sight brought back the memory that I just narrated. 

If we were to draw an analogy, the set routines & habits we consciously follow, probably act like blinkers for our mind. Put them to daily/routine disciplined use and they help us focus on what's ahead, not allowing us to get distracted from what's happening around or behind us. Yet, the blinkers can't be sported 24x7. They need to be eased off / stowed away when we need to take a break. It could be a matter of few minutes, few hours, few days, few weeks, few months or even longer, based on the circumstances at hand.

So keep polishing those blinkers to keep them spick & span, but do give your mind a chance to wander away & enjoy the trivial distractions from time to time, as you look back to reflect on things gone by, before strapping those blinkers up again to continue focussing on the road ahead.