"...thanks babes..."

 "...thanks babes..."

...replied a mommy to my message.

Since my daughter started schooling, I took up more responsibility for her studies & school. Not because the wife doesn't want to - she is equally invested. It is mainly because I am more keen on it. Getting homework done & submitted is one of my self-set weekly KRAs.

My daughter was 5 in 2020, so our Sr Kg & 1st were online. It was a boon for me. I was more involved because:

1. I am a bit of an obsessed techie so I ensured we had the device, backup device, wifi & backup wifi always ready.

2. The wife had to go to work for the most part of the pandemic, whereas #MarshIndia being the colleague friendly firm it is, had remote working till about a few months back. Now we work hybrid (office few days a week).

The parents formed whatsapp groups. One was a dads group (all divisions) & then each division had a moms group. All the talk in mom's group was only about the class related updates & rightly so. At the risk of getting kicked out of the daddies group - it is largely a quiet group, only used for forwards once every few days. So I asked my wife to get me added to the mom's group. It saved my wife from acting like a postman, relaying messages from the group to me daily. 

I was amazed by the way the mommies were managing it. Timely & accurate information sharing, assistance offered to each other & the discipline was superb. However, often some queries would start with "Hi gals/mommies/ladies" which obviously was a bit awkward for me, though I understood they may not be aware there is a dad in the group. There were times when there were queries starting with "Hi girls" & I had the answer to it, but I held back because I felt out of place & felt the others might freak out to see a "man" talking in mommies group.

However, I soon put that behind me & started participating. Once, a mom asked a query which I addressed. She replied "Thanks Babes". I started grinning, unsure of how to respond to it. I typed "Hi, this is a dad here" but ended up deleting it and ended up saying "You are welcome".

On this Father's day, I request all mothers to be more inclusive. There will be some dads in your mommies school group because the dad has their child's best interest at heart or because of some other personal challenges. You will see many fathers dropping or picking the child. Please do not judge the father or the mother. While nothing can replace moms ( can't compete with Gods), some of us fathers try to enter territories that still seem like "mom territory" in the interest of the kid's wellbeing or to help the wife. After all, parenting is 50-50 responsibilities, but besides giving birth and nursing the child (which so far, id biologically not possible), we dads can try and help with everything else.

Happy Father's day to all the wonderful dads out there who don't look at parenting as a task, but an honour.

Yours sincerely,

Not a babe, but a father to one.

"....stop exaggerating dude...."

"....stop exaggerating dude...."

...I told my friend, but in my mind and not out loud. This was somewhere in 2012. Lets call him Rahul 🏏

Rahul and I were discussing about the cars we drove. No discussion about cars can go without talking about the mileage they offer, at least in the middle class talk. So Rahul told me he gets 12-13 kmpl in the city (Mumbai) and 19-20 kmpl on highways. We both had similar petrol variant cars. I had been driving for few years and usually got 8 to max 9.5 in the city and 15-16 tops on highways, so I was sure he was exaggerating. 

A few months down the line, I happened to accompany him on an outstation trip where he was driving. To my surprise, I saw he was right. He clocked 18.8 kmpl for the 150+ km drive. However, having experienced his driving, I figured what he was doing right and what I was miserable at.

- At the signals within the city, I always love to get a good pick up and push the accelerator harder than required to gain maximum throttle. Rahul is fine to pick up slowly and increase the speed at a slower/optimal acceleration - this impacts fuel efficiency.

- I always love to drive fast and hence I am always pushing the accelerator even when I know I'd have to use the brakes in the traffic/red light ahead. This not only affects fuel efficiency but also wears the brake pads out sooner.

- Due to his smooth driving, the passengers in his car were always comfortable. Whereas passengers in my car often go through an unsolicited roller coaster ride. This wears out the suspension and other car parts sooner, besides causing discomfort to my co-passengers.

Not only does Rahul save money on fuel, but he delays the expenses on brake pads and other car parts and ensures comfort for his co-passengers.

The same principles probably apply to other aspects of our life. Be it careers, ventures or relationships. Speed up too much too soon and eventually you will not only end up burning more fuel/energy but also wear out your mind/body at a faster pace. The quantum of braking required is directly proportional to the speed at which it is applied. So, start at an optimum speed and maintain a cruising speed and you benefit immensely. Though you might take some more time to reach your destination, you will be amazed to see that at times the guy speeding would reach just moments before you do, or at times, at the same time as you.

Finally, I started using the cruise control feature available in my car for all the long drives to curb the acceleration itch. Been trying since then to build the feature in my life next...

"...are you done with your victory lap 🙄...?"

"...are you done with your victory lap 🙄...?"

...I asked V, my daughter, who was 5 years old back then in May 2020.

[UNO Chronicles part 3/4. Originally published in May 2020.]

 ...so it seems I will never get any better at Uno 🤦‍♂️ The scoreboard says it all! But I observed something interesting. Every time V won a game, she updated the scoreboard and did a victory lap around the house showing everyone that she had won a game. So that's 17+ Victory laps so far!

However, after I took this snap of the scoreboard, I went on a hot streak and won 3 games in a row! She seemed upset with that, so I pulled out the "enjoy the game and not just the wins" message as usual. Thereafter, she did something very interesting! Every time she updated my win, she did another round to show the score to everyone in the house. Not with the same wide grin, but nevertheless, she went around telling everyone "Papa won this one but I am still ahead"

Learnings:

- Celebrate every win. However big or small.

- Take a note of your opponents' victories. However, also be aware that you have lost just this round but are (or will be) ahead in the overall game with enough time, skills, efforts and some luck.

I guess the law of diminishing marginal utility doesn't always work. The 17+ victory laps V carried out were all equally euphoric. I am now looking for a professional UNO coach who can coach me on how to beat my daughter consistently at UNO.

"...take that.... and that.... and this...."

"...take that.... and that.... and this...."

...declared V, my daughter, who was 5 years old back then, as she mercilessly fired her entire arsenal of Draw 4s/2s at me.

[UNO Chronicles part 2/4. Originally published by me on May 3, 2020.]

The wife, V & I were engrossed in a competitive game of UNO. Miraculously, I had a good run and had one last card left in my hand. "UNO!" I yelled, as per the rules (for those who don't know the game, one has to shout UNO when they only have the last card left in their hand. Failing to do so yields a penalty).

V gave me a determined look from the corner of her tiny eyes. Over the next few rounds, she dropped a series of Draw 4s and Draw 2s on me to ensure I wouldn't dare to utter "UNO" anytime soon again. All of a sudden, the number of cards in my hand went up from one to a dozen.

Soon thereafter, she got rid of all her cards and won. So now it was just her mom & I fighting it out. The next thing she does - comes next to me and cuddles up. "Let me help you beat Mom!" The determined eyes had given way to lovey dovey sparkling eyes all of a sudden. "What's the point now? When I was about to win, you bombed me!" I protested. "But that was because I was in the game and I had to do it to win. I gave you so many cards, so now I'll help you get rid of those and win!" She said, matter of factly and just grabbed my cards. 

Learnings:

 - When you gotta be professional, you gotta be professional, but it is very important to switch your hats once the task/goal is accomplished.

- Don't always judge your opponent/peer based on their actions while in the game (or at work). Look at the hat they are donning at the time and judge (if at all you must) the hat and not the individual wearing it. They are probably doing what they ought to.

This drill has been repeating for the last 2 years and I love it when she wins while I am still in the game. It gives her joy to help me next and I am always overjoyed to experience the warm gesture. Erm, once a quarter she helps her mom too in the interest of Diversity & Inclusion.

No offence to the sons, but daughters are clearly the best.

"...s**t, I sent a message to my manager instead of you 😱😱😱 ..."

"...s**t, I sent a message to my manager instead of you 😱😱😱 ..."

...I messaged my wife.

I was working for a firm, let's call it Saaz. It was a great firm, but after having spent many years there, I thought I needed to explore more. I got an interview call from a firm, let's call it Guru. 

Now I had never lied to avail leaves, but I needed to take an off for the interview & couldn't tell my manager about it. So I made an excuse & took the day off. However, the fact that I had lied about a leave was weighing heavy on me as I had a great manager & skip level manager. Lets call them Asha & Lata respectively. So while I was waiting for my interview, I texted my wife - "I feel so bad for lying to Asha". It took me a tenth of a second thereafter to realize that I had erroneously texted Asha & there was no way of recalling it. I immediately followed it up with another text - "Please ignore the last message. I will explain tomorrow". I gave the interview & got an offer by evening.

I went to the office the next day & met Asha first, followed by Lata. Both of them at first looked disappointed. It was natural. No one likes to lose a team member. Both the ladies tried to retain me. However, I had made up my mind & they graciously accepted it. Lata was a well connected lady. She offered to help me do some checks on my future employer & my role there. She made a few phone calls & gave me a lot of insights into the kind of firm I was getting into. She did not dissuade me from joining them, but she laid out all the cards for me. Eventually, I joined Guru. 

A few years later, I realised I needed to make a move again. At one point, I landed offers from 2 firms (lets call them Mangal & Shani) in the same sector - Mangal was an MNC and Shani, a trusted Indian brand. I rang up both Asha & Lata for some guidance & we spent a lot of time talking about it. Lata once again offered to do some digging and she called me back after 2 days to share the pros & cons of both the firms. "Knowing you well, I feel you will thrive at Mangal" she said, when she sensed my dilemma. I joined Mangal. To this day, I contact Asha & Lata whenever I am in any career related dilemma & they are always happy to advise me.

Ironically, while I was serving notice at Guru, I found out that Lata had accepted a position in one of the group companies. I was tempted to drop the Mangal offer to get a chance to work with her again, but I remembered my mom always says "whatever happens, happens for good" and so I joined Mangal, never to regret it.

Managers & skip managers can literally make or break careers. While they have a huge impact on you while you work with them, the good ones will go at no length to guide & mentor you even after they are no longer your managers/leaders. I aspire to become a manager/leader like Asha & Lata some day. 

I might sound baised, but women managers definitely rank higher in EQ than male managers, at least in my limited experience so far.

"...what are you so happy for!! You will have to draw 4 cards!!..."

"...what are you so happy for!! You will have to draw 4 cards!!..."

...I told my then 5 year old daughter. 

[UNO Chronicles part 1/4. Originally published by me on April 26, 2020. Sharing it again for those who did not read it back then]

We were in the second month of lockdown back then, in April 2020 and, like every parent, I had found unlimited time with my little one while working from home. That meant sneaking in some games in between work. She had taken a liking to UNO recently and we'd play UNO almost daily.

Have you ever played UNO? Most of you probably have. How do you react when your opponent drops a Draw 4 card on you? Annoying, right? For the uninitiated, in UNO, the player who gets rid of all the cards they hold wins. If your opponent drops a "Draw 4" card, you end up adding 4 more cards to your hand. But whenever I play with my daughter, she gets ecstatic when I drop a Draw 4 on her! Even to this day, 2 years later, that's why I remembered this story and thought of reposting it today. 

So back then, when I saw her react that way, I asked her what I quoted above. "When I have to draw cards, I get a chance to get magical cards,'' she said, grinning ear to ear. Magical cards, as she calls them, are Draw 4, Draw 2, Skip, Reverse & Wildcard cards. One can only get the joy of dropping these cards on their opponent if you get a chance to draw them in the first place. A deep logic that even puts a logical guy like me in deep thought. 

We adults often look at an adverse event as annoying, whereas a kid here was looking at one as an opportunity! What was even more curious is that, quite often, even after dropping the Draw 4s I end up on the losing side. Perhaps she does end up making the most of the 4 cards she draws.

Let's embrace all the Draw 4s coming our way in life - perhaps we will end up with better cards that will help us win in the longer run.

"...it has passed through a narrow opening and grown through it...how did that happen?"

"...it has passed through a narrow opening and grown through it...how did that happen?"

...asked my daughter when I was watering the humble moong plant recently. No matter what plant I put up in my grill, rats, sparrows and pigeons make a feast out of it. Yet, every time they finish off the plant, I sow some more moong seeds. I like to have it (as it grows pretty fast) next to where my work desk is at home. Watching it grow gives good vibes. If any of you haven't read my past story on our first moong plant, then click here to read it.

So we planted some moong again a month back. The cycle repeated. Wonderful sprouts came through and there were several plants (each seed giving way to a tiny stem) for the first couple of days. As usual, bit by bit daily, the plants started getting eaten/damaged and only two were left. Curiously, while growing, they both passed through a closed loop designed in the metal grill. At first, I thought of pulling them out of there. Then I did not bother. "Its gonna be eaten up in a couple of days anyways" I told my self and watered it. I kept watering it and it kept growing. Its been 3 weeks now since it passed through the loop in the grill and it is still growing strong (hope I don't jinx it 🤞). In fact, it has now reached a stage where I will not be able to move the pot without damaging/uprooting the plant. 

My curious mind kept wondering how this plant had survived so far. This time when I planted moong, I had also kept a large lemon grass plant next to it and some of its leaves were growing around these two that survived. The leaves were literally overlapping each other. I have heard that lemon grass repels rodents and insects, so maybe this plant protected a part of the fellow plant which it could.

Yesterday I went a step further and dug up the soil a bit to add some coco peat and manure to give it some more help. This morning, I was delighted to see it reciprocate my faith as I saw another tiny plant had sprouted up. I was happy yet concerned knowing that this lone little one would be victimized by the rodents and birds, but maybe, just maybe, the elder siblings next to it and the caring neighbour (lemon grass) would watch over it and egg it on to beat the odds 🤞.

While there is a lot to learn by just observing plants grow, this episode reinforced one fact - when a bunch of things growing together face adversity, most will succumb. However, once in a while, there will be one or two, which will carve their own unconventional survival path that may look weird and unsustainable to the onlookers, only to prove them wrong in the longer run. 

I had given up on this plant 3-4 weeks back when except these two, all were eaten up. Given up on it sustaining beyond a couple of days then. However, these two blokes are fighters, growing bigger each day. So here I am, watering it again today, taking one day at a time. Hopeful to see and touch some moong pods for the first time in my life soon.

Life often finds a way.