"....kya be chakke..."

"...kya bey chakke..." 

...screamed Johnny Lever, about 12-13 times in the entire movie, leaving the audience in the theatre in splits each time.

It was 2001 and the movie was Nayak. Johnny Lever, being the great that he is, ensured laughs came through in the otherwise heavy movie. His character was scripted to yell out "Kya bey chakke" as a reflex action each time someone poked a finger at him. For those who do not know the Hindi term, it is loosely used to refer to the members of the transgender community.

Back then, the term "chakka" was often used in a derogatory way, often used to mock/insult someone. While we all laughed our hearts out each time Johnny Lever screamed that line, over 20 years later, I realized how inappropriate it was – to consider it funny, to accept the usage of the word ( as an insult or otherwise ), to be insensitive towards the non-binary gender.

I recalled this movie and Johnny Lever's character while listening to Kalki Subramaniam a while back, during the webinar hosted by my employer as part of the #PRIDE month initiatives. Kalki is a transgender rights activist, among other things. While she had a lot of things to share, here are a few: 

- at the age of 12-13 there was intense trauma between my authentic self and my physical self

- was born as a boy & came out at 13 and the family could not understand

- told mom I wanted to grow up as a woman & eventually the family accepted

- family acceptance was of most important

- Most trans people are begging because they have been abandoned by their family

- some land up in sex work due to exploitation

- faced a lot of bullying and shaming throughout, especially in college. 

- In the Mahabharata, Arjun was a trans for 1 year -taught martial arts and dance to a prince

- the presence of trans members in Mahabaratha/Ramayana and other mythology shows we were always a part of the society

- joined an IT firm and saved money for my gender transition.

- I feel I was privileged as I was accepted by family and was independent

- we have a lot of anger built up but I channeled the anger I had within into art/creativity – to make a change, you need to be the change

- role model is Sridevi

- love writing poetry

- corporates need to ensure they develop a safe environment for trans coworkers

- treat us as fellow-human, fellow-employee and not a transgender

- people still comment about my voice, not realizing I like the way I sound

- people say I don’t look like a transgender and look like a real woman – it is stereotyping and not a compliment

My takeaway - If they are not unkind to you, there is no reason to be unkind to them or dislike them. They deserve to be treated as you would like to be treated by others!

"...there is no green tea in the pantry..."

"...there is no green tea in the pantry..." 

...declared one of the leaders. I was very surprised. Such small things were never an issue because we always had adequate running stock of all office and pantry items.

But here is the other side of the story - the supply side story.

"...we are unable to send people to all our sites due to a surge in active machines. We also are not getting supplies on time." says the coffee vending machine vendor.

"...we are replacing your relationship manager that replaced the prior relationship manager replacing the one before that...sorry, too much attrition and hence the drop in response time and service levels..." says the account manager of our mobile telephony partner.

"...we are finding it difficult to replace the resigned staff and our systems are undergoing a change. Cards will be delayed..." says the corporate credit card RM.

"...many drivers never came back post the pandemic. The waiting time for new cars is too high, so we do not have enough cars or drivers to serve you seamlessly...also - we need that hefty hike we've been requesting as fuel is expensive and drivers are now demanding more money.." says the cab agency.

"...we are short staffed for the sudden surge in travel demand, please bear with delays..." says the air travel partner. I am sure everyone is aware of the long VISA delays (due to a spike in demand) as announced by VFS.

"...we are struggling with staff and stock availability..." says the vendor of a snack vending machine.

"...Sir, I am personally delivering orders now as my labour keeps running away.." says the stationary vendor.

Due to the gradual return to the office this year, there is a surge in demand for everything and the supply side is struggling to cater to the demand - be it the smallest bread/butter vendor or be it the high-flying travel/credit card partner. Everyone is struggling with the double whammy of manpower/labour shortage and a rise in input costs. Outcome - Organizations are having to shell out more for services that aren't yet up to par with pre-pandemic times.

Hats off to all the facility management & admin staff across all offices everywhere. At first, they were entrusted with keeping the offices safe during the raging covid waves and now are hustling and juggling multiple vendors to try and keep their colleagues insulated from these supply side pangs as much as possible. All of this with a smile on their face.

By the way, how many of us know April 21st is celebrated as Administrative Professionals' Day? I did not. 

Cheers to all the admin/facility management folks out there. Keep rocking!

"...thanks babes..."

 "...thanks babes..."

...replied a mommy to my message.

Since my daughter started schooling, I took up more responsibility for her studies & school. Not because the wife doesn't want to - she is equally invested. It is mainly because I am more keen on it. Getting homework done & submitted is one of my self-set weekly KRAs.

My daughter was 5 in 2020, so our Sr Kg & 1st were online. It was a boon for me. I was more involved because:

1. I am a bit of an obsessed techie so I ensured we had the device, backup device, wifi & backup wifi always ready.

2. The wife had to go to work for the most part of the pandemic, whereas #MarshIndia being the colleague friendly firm it is, had remote working till about a few months back. Now we work hybrid (office few days a week).

The parents formed whatsapp groups. One was a dads group (all divisions) & then each division had a moms group. All the talk in mom's group was only about the class related updates & rightly so. At the risk of getting kicked out of the daddies group - it is largely a quiet group, only used for forwards once every few days. So I asked my wife to get me added to the mom's group. It saved my wife from acting like a postman, relaying messages from the group to me daily. 

I was amazed by the way the mommies were managing it. Timely & accurate information sharing, assistance offered to each other & the discipline was superb. However, often some queries would start with "Hi gals/mommies/ladies" which obviously was a bit awkward for me, though I understood they may not be aware there is a dad in the group. There were times when there were queries starting with "Hi girls" & I had the answer to it, but I held back because I felt out of place & felt the others might freak out to see a "man" talking in mommies group.

However, I soon put that behind me & started participating. Once, a mom asked a query which I addressed. She replied "Thanks Babes". I started grinning, unsure of how to respond to it. I typed "Hi, this is a dad here" but ended up deleting it and ended up saying "You are welcome".

On this Father's day, I request all mothers to be more inclusive. There will be some dads in your mommies school group because the dad has their child's best interest at heart or because of some other personal challenges. You will see many fathers dropping or picking the child. Please do not judge the father or the mother. While nothing can replace moms ( can't compete with Gods), some of us fathers try to enter territories that still seem like "mom territory" in the interest of the kid's wellbeing or to help the wife. After all, parenting is 50-50 responsibilities, but besides giving birth and nursing the child (which so far, id biologically not possible), we dads can try and help with everything else.

Happy Father's day to all the wonderful dads out there who don't look at parenting as a task, but an honour.

Yours sincerely,

Not a babe, but a father to one.

"....stop exaggerating dude...."

"....stop exaggerating dude...."

...I told my friend, but in my mind and not out loud. This was somewhere in 2012. Lets call him Rahul 🏏

Rahul and I were discussing about the cars we drove. No discussion about cars can go without talking about the mileage they offer, at least in the middle class talk. So Rahul told me he gets 12-13 kmpl in the city (Mumbai) and 19-20 kmpl on highways. We both had similar petrol variant cars. I had been driving for few years and usually got 8 to max 9.5 in the city and 15-16 tops on highways, so I was sure he was exaggerating. 

A few months down the line, I happened to accompany him on an outstation trip where he was driving. To my surprise, I saw he was right. He clocked 18.8 kmpl for the 150+ km drive. However, having experienced his driving, I figured what he was doing right and what I was miserable at.

- At the signals within the city, I always love to get a good pick up and push the accelerator harder than required to gain maximum throttle. Rahul is fine to pick up slowly and increase the speed at a slower/optimal acceleration - this impacts fuel efficiency.

- I always love to drive fast and hence I am always pushing the accelerator even when I know I'd have to use the brakes in the traffic/red light ahead. This not only affects fuel efficiency but also wears the brake pads out sooner.

- Due to his smooth driving, the passengers in his car were always comfortable. Whereas passengers in my car often go through an unsolicited roller coaster ride. This wears out the suspension and other car parts sooner, besides causing discomfort to my co-passengers.

Not only does Rahul save money on fuel, but he delays the expenses on brake pads and other car parts and ensures comfort for his co-passengers.

The same principles probably apply to other aspects of our life. Be it careers, ventures or relationships. Speed up too much too soon and eventually you will not only end up burning more fuel/energy but also wear out your mind/body at a faster pace. The quantum of braking required is directly proportional to the speed at which it is applied. So, start at an optimum speed and maintain a cruising speed and you benefit immensely. Though you might take some more time to reach your destination, you will be amazed to see that at times the guy speeding would reach just moments before you do, or at times, at the same time as you.

Finally, I started using the cruise control feature available in my car for all the long drives to curb the acceleration itch. Been trying since then to build the feature in my life next...

"...are you done with your victory lap 🙄...?"

"...are you done with your victory lap 🙄...?"

...I asked V, my daughter, who was 5 years old back then in May 2020.

[UNO Chronicles part 3/4. Originally published in May 2020.]

 ...so it seems I will never get any better at Uno 🤦‍♂️ The scoreboard says it all! But I observed something interesting. Every time V won a game, she updated the scoreboard and did a victory lap around the house showing everyone that she had won a game. So that's 17+ Victory laps so far!

However, after I took this snap of the scoreboard, I went on a hot streak and won 3 games in a row! She seemed upset with that, so I pulled out the "enjoy the game and not just the wins" message as usual. Thereafter, she did something very interesting! Every time she updated my win, she did another round to show the score to everyone in the house. Not with the same wide grin, but nevertheless, she went around telling everyone "Papa won this one but I am still ahead"

Learnings:

- Celebrate every win. However big or small.

- Take a note of your opponents' victories. However, also be aware that you have lost just this round but are (or will be) ahead in the overall game with enough time, skills, efforts and some luck.

I guess the law of diminishing marginal utility doesn't always work. The 17+ victory laps V carried out were all equally euphoric. I am now looking for a professional UNO coach who can coach me on how to beat my daughter consistently at UNO.

"...take that.... and that.... and this...."

"...take that.... and that.... and this...."

...declared V, my daughter, who was 5 years old back then, as she mercilessly fired her entire arsenal of Draw 4s/2s at me.

[UNO Chronicles part 2/4. Originally published by me on May 3, 2020.]

The wife, V & I were engrossed in a competitive game of UNO. Miraculously, I had a good run and had one last card left in my hand. "UNO!" I yelled, as per the rules (for those who don't know the game, one has to shout UNO when they only have the last card left in their hand. Failing to do so yields a penalty).

V gave me a determined look from the corner of her tiny eyes. Over the next few rounds, she dropped a series of Draw 4s and Draw 2s on me to ensure I wouldn't dare to utter "UNO" anytime soon again. All of a sudden, the number of cards in my hand went up from one to a dozen.

Soon thereafter, she got rid of all her cards and won. So now it was just her mom & I fighting it out. The next thing she does - comes next to me and cuddles up. "Let me help you beat Mom!" The determined eyes had given way to lovey dovey sparkling eyes all of a sudden. "What's the point now? When I was about to win, you bombed me!" I protested. "But that was because I was in the game and I had to do it to win. I gave you so many cards, so now I'll help you get rid of those and win!" She said, matter of factly and just grabbed my cards. 

Learnings:

 - When you gotta be professional, you gotta be professional, but it is very important to switch your hats once the task/goal is accomplished.

- Don't always judge your opponent/peer based on their actions while in the game (or at work). Look at the hat they are donning at the time and judge (if at all you must) the hat and not the individual wearing it. They are probably doing what they ought to.

This drill has been repeating for the last 2 years and I love it when she wins while I am still in the game. It gives her joy to help me next and I am always overjoyed to experience the warm gesture. Erm, once a quarter she helps her mom too in the interest of Diversity & Inclusion.

No offence to the sons, but daughters are clearly the best.

"...s**t, I sent a message to my manager instead of you 😱😱😱 ..."

"...s**t, I sent a message to my manager instead of you 😱😱😱 ..."

...I messaged my wife.

I was working for a firm, let's call it Saaz. It was a great firm, but after having spent many years there, I thought I needed to explore more. I got an interview call from a firm, let's call it Guru. 

Now I had never lied to avail leaves, but I needed to take an off for the interview & couldn't tell my manager about it. So I made an excuse & took the day off. However, the fact that I had lied about a leave was weighing heavy on me as I had a great manager & skip level manager. Lets call them Asha & Lata respectively. So while I was waiting for my interview, I texted my wife - "I feel so bad for lying to Asha". It took me a tenth of a second thereafter to realize that I had erroneously texted Asha & there was no way of recalling it. I immediately followed it up with another text - "Please ignore the last message. I will explain tomorrow". I gave the interview & got an offer by evening.

I went to the office the next day & met Asha first, followed by Lata. Both of them at first looked disappointed. It was natural. No one likes to lose a team member. Both the ladies tried to retain me. However, I had made up my mind & they graciously accepted it. Lata was a well connected lady. She offered to help me do some checks on my future employer & my role there. She made a few phone calls & gave me a lot of insights into the kind of firm I was getting into. She did not dissuade me from joining them, but she laid out all the cards for me. Eventually, I joined Guru. 

A few years later, I realised I needed to make a move again. At one point, I landed offers from 2 firms (lets call them Mangal & Shani) in the same sector - Mangal was an MNC and Shani, a trusted Indian brand. I rang up both Asha & Lata for some guidance & we spent a lot of time talking about it. Lata once again offered to do some digging and she called me back after 2 days to share the pros & cons of both the firms. "Knowing you well, I feel you will thrive at Mangal" she said, when she sensed my dilemma. I joined Mangal. To this day, I contact Asha & Lata whenever I am in any career related dilemma & they are always happy to advise me.

Ironically, while I was serving notice at Guru, I found out that Lata had accepted a position in one of the group companies. I was tempted to drop the Mangal offer to get a chance to work with her again, but I remembered my mom always says "whatever happens, happens for good" and so I joined Mangal, never to regret it.

Managers & skip managers can literally make or break careers. While they have a huge impact on you while you work with them, the good ones will go at no length to guide & mentor you even after they are no longer your managers/leaders. I aspire to become a manager/leader like Asha & Lata some day. 

I might sound baised, but women managers definitely rank higher in EQ than male managers, at least in my limited experience so far.