"...Aap pilaoge toh pakka piyungi..."

"...Aap pilaoge toh pakka piyungi..."

...said the old lady, with a weak smile. ["If you buy it, I'll surely drink"]

After the jog at the beach this morning, I went to the soup/salad guy for my usual bowl of corn chana salad. When it comes to the morning beach, one always spots the same set of population -  people running/jogging, exercising, playing or walking dogs. Senior citizens are a major part of the crowd though. Most have a gang who engage in some exercises/laughter therapy followed by light banter.

So when I sat and ordered a bowl, the other 3 chairs were occupied by 3 senior citizens. One lady (who I had earlier spotted at the entrance while I entered. She was getting out of her chauffer driven BMW) and a couple of gentlemen. They were all  enjoying a cup of soup. The lady was quiet and seemed lost in her thoughts, just nodding when the two gents looked at her while talking.

When all three of them were done drinking their soups, each paid for their respective soups. After taking the money, the vendor asked the lady to try out the new soup that the gents had just tried. "No way, I am already full with the first one!" she declared, waiving her left hand. "But the soup is really superb, you must try it!'' said one of the gents, adjusting his spects. The lady just nodded her head, indicating she wasn't keen. The gentleman had not given up yet. "Please try, I will pay for it. You must not miss it!" he insisted. At this point, the lady reluctantly gave in and agreed [saying what I quoted above].

After the moment, the lady seemed all perked up, chatting away to glory. She started sharing how she used to make various soups for her husband when he wasn't keeping well. The discussion then veered into their newly wed days. She narrated how she disliked all kinds of soups back then, but her mother-in-law egged her on to make them for their family. After a bit of banter, she bid her goodbyes and left, all smiles by now.

A few moments later, the gentleman reached out for his wallet and handed out a Rs. 50 note to the vendor. "She lost her husband earlier this year. He was bedridden for a long time. Her kids are abroad. She hasn't been herself since her husband passed." he said, looking at his friend as they got up to leave.

The Rs. 50 note that was passing hands at that moment would certainly have been proud of itself on hearing that. The gentleman handing it over had experienced the joy of giving, the gentleman accepting it had made a sale and the lady who consumed the sold product seemed to have left the morning beach with happy vibes. I am sure the Rs. 50 note travelling from wallet to wallet would have many such interesting stories to share - only if it could. 

There is so much joy in little things that cost nearly nothing.

"...don't ever speak to me if you can't even do this much for me...!"

"...don't ever speak to me if you can't even do this much for me...!"

...he said, nearly in tears. Lets call him Luigi. 

Luigi was a nice chap in my school, coming from a very well-mannered lower middle class family. He stayed near the school in a small one-room house.

Somewhere in the 7th grade, Luigi made a good friend. Let's call him Mario. They became best friends. Inseparable. Mario came from a good family - in terms of values and wealth.

Mario, being Mario, always spent generously on his friends. It goes without saying, Luigi was the most pampered and spoilt. He often took him to fancy restaurants, bought him a lot of stuff - a nice bi-cycle, a disc man, music cassettes/discs etc.

They always played after school in Luigi's compound. Cricket was their favorite sport. One week in the monsoon, it rained a lot. Mario & Luigi were sitting at Luigi's house. Mysterious girl, by Peter Andre played in the background (on speakers bought by Mario for Luigi). "I hate the rains! We can't go out! Let's buy a TV video game. Nintendo is nice!" suggested Luigi. Mario obliged and bought a Nintendo. The 64 in 1 game cartridge had 64 awesome games. I don't think anyone from my generation has not played on it - Super Mario Bros being everyone's favorite. Weeks passed and Luigi demanded Mario buy more cartridges. "The 299 in 1 has awesome games, including some great variants of Contra (another game)". Mario kept fulfilling all of his dear friend's wishes. However, he was starting to realise that his good friend was beginning to act entitled. 

"This new video game console from Sony has come. Much better than Nintendo. You gotta buy me that. We will both  have so much fun playing it!" Luigi declared. Mario had endured enough of his demands by now. He refused. Luigi kept pleading but Mario did not budge. That's when Luigi said what I quoted above. 

Over the following months, the friendship fell apart. Mario felt Luigi was more interested in his money and not in his friendship. Luigi felt Mario was being arrogant by not spending on things he wanted. He had so much pocket money that he had no use of, he thought. One may think poorly of Luigi here, but he was a victim of his own circumstances. Coming from a modest family, he was not exposed to all the luxury that had started to come his way, making him addicted to it all. 

Yesterday evening, I passed by Luigi's house and the school while I was driving down somewhere with the family. Remembering Mario and Luigi's friendship I Whatsapped Mario - "Are you still in touch with Luigi? Any idea where he is?" The reply came quickly - "👎"

All of us have friends, family, colleagues & mentors who are resourceful. Not necessarily in terms of money, but also in terms of time, wisdom and compassion. However, knowingly or unknowingly, if we start leeching on the resources they have to offer, they are sure to withdraw themselves & their resources from us at some point in time.

Let's not be a leech. Let's not get leeched either.

"...aaj toh gaya..."

"...aaj toh gaya..."

...was my first thought. ["I am in for some trouble today"].

It was a Saturday morning and, as is the case on most Saturdays, I was on my way to the local market to run some errands. I was in the middle of a crowded lane when I saw something that froze my mind! It was a traffic cop, standing just a few feet away. Now the market is just a few hundred meters away from my home. It is usually just a 60 second bike ride. So there have been times when I skipped wearing the helmet (when I was in a rush). That particular day, I wasn't wearing my helmet either. 

My mind quickly calculated the probability of getting fined by the cop and it was pretty high. "Sir, I stay close by and was in a rush, so I am not wearing my helmet today" I rehearsed, in my mind. But I knew no justification was valid and there was no escape. So, to save myself from the fine and agony, I quickly turned around and started moving in the other direction, glad that I had averted a tragedy by spotting the cop just in time! However, about four steps... yes, "steps" later, it dawned on me that I wasn't on my bike that day! The bike was given to the mechanic the prior evening for some repair work. I had walked down to the market area that day, and obviously, wasn't wearing a helmet. I turned back again, laughing at myself for what I had just put myself through. I passed the cop, confidently looking into his eyes and smiling as I passed by him. 

Once we do something non-compliant/wrong, it creates a fear in a corner of the mind. In the future then, even if we are compliant/right, the mention/sight of a policing/governing authority triggers the fear of getting caught, sending us into disarray, looking for proof of compliance (helmet) - which wasn't probably required in the first place to begin with.

Be compliant. Save your head. Save your mind from your own mind.

"...Abey kitne gulaab jaamun khayega bey! Kaam mein dhyan de, aisa kuch toph kaam bhi nahi hai..."

"...Abey kitne gulaab jaamun khayega bey! Kaam mein dhyan de, aisa kuch toph kaam bhi nahi hai..."

...said a guy at the lunch table. Lets call him Pappu. ["How many sweets will you eat dude! Focus on your work, it's not rocket science"]

My college buddies & I were part of a trainee batch at the Infosys Mysore training center. We made some friends while we were there for 4 months. We gelled with another college group from Mumbai. Pappu was a part of it. At the end of training, we had to pass an exam - Compree (Comprehensive Exam) in order to get a posting. One of the guys didn't clear it. He had to stay back a month to give it another shot. Now this was a gem of a guy. A jolly good fellow, a hard working chap. But sh*t happens and he did not clear the Compree. Lets call him Virat.

So we all got our posting. Many of us, including Pappu got Pune (closest to Mumbai) and we were happy about it. One day at lunch, Pappu said "It is so awesome all of us are going to Pune! We will continue hanging together there too." After some more banter, he added "Virat, too bad you failed. We will miss you. But the Compree wasn't that difficult dude." All of us at the table looked at Pappu with our jaws dropped. Virat wasn't taking the Compree outcome well and Pappu was rubbing salt on his wounds. Virat continued digging into the sambar rice in his plate, without reacting.

A couple of months later, Virat cleared the Compree and got posted to Pune too. But as luck would have it, he got deployed in a project where he got a God-sent manager. He took all the blame for the good work Virat did and made sure to credit him with everything that went wrong. He had stereotyped Virat as he knew he had taken two shots at the Compree. Virat started stress eating. Daily at lunch he'd share his woes and pick up sweets from our plates to satiate the urge of stress eating. On one such occasion, Pappu said what I quoted above.

After a few months, Virat got an offer from another firm. "This firm is not as great as Infy! You are making a big mistake. You won't get good growth there!" said Pappu, when he got to know. Virat joined the other firm. He soon found out that coding/technical work wasn't his calling. He is a magician when it comes to building and maintaining relations. He soon moved into a client management role and progressed rapidly. For the past decade, he has settled abroad, and has been a star performer for the firm he is employed with. We make it a point to catch up every year when he visits Mumbai. On his last visit he asked "Do you remember Pappu?" I am not connected with him, so I said so. "Well, a couple of months back he called me asking if I could refer him to my firm. He is having a hard time there." he added. "Aisa kya toph kaam de rahe hai wahan, tune poocha nahi?" I asked, my tongue firmly lodged in my cheek, as the sound of laughter filled the room, followed by a clink of the glasses.

Pappu ka toh pata nahi, par Virat life mein pass ho gaya.

".....aap hamesha bas itne hi kele bechane nikalte ho...?"

".....aap hamesha bas itne hi kele bechane nikalte ho...?"

...I asked, a bit curiously. ["Do you always try to sell these many bananas daily?"]

I was out on my usual evening walk yesterday and had been instructed to buy some bananas on the way back. "Elaichi, not the normal ones!" were clear instructions. I, like everyone (who doesnt use swiggy) have my favorite sabji and fruit wala bhaiyyas in the market, but my evening walk route is in the other direction. I remembered often spotting an old man selling bananas in one of the lanes and decided to buy the bananas from him. 

So on the last lap, I made a pit stop at the kelawala, who was engaged in an animated conversation with the sabji wala sitting next to him. He was an old gentleman, probably in his 70s (or maybe younger, but that is what I guessed from his appearance). This kelawala always sat on the footpath with just 2 small baskets of bananas. Maybe he had a way of replenishing them, but it seemed he only tried to sell what was on display daily. 

After buying a dozen of elaichi kela, I hesitantly enquired if he only sold those many bananas daily. The question instantly cracked up a smile on the old wrinkled face, exposing the lone incisor holding fort behind the upper lip. "My kids earn enough to run the house. I used to sell fruit all day in earlier days, but now, due to age, I only try to sell some daily in the evening. If I stay home all day, I will annoy the ladies in the house, so I step out to sell them. Besides, I make a little money from this which goes into my savings. It will be useful when hard times come." he said, as he whacked his gamcha (little piece of cloth) at some bees trying to find an exposed banana to feast on.

I had just spent 45 min of my walk worrying about my asset allocation not having adequate equity exposure. This man probably wasnt even aware of the concept of equity, but seemed to have raised a family fairly well with his income and savings. Nearly every family might have elders who have pushed themselves every day in their heydays, saved every penny (be it an earning member or a home maker) and still do. While surviving from month to month, they probably inculcated the habit of saving. Some then perhaps managed to invest those savings (business/real estate/govt schemes or the much chided bank FDs). However, no matter what one invests in: Equity, Crypto, Debt - the core to sustainability & wealth creation is probably "savings''. Without savings, there is no investment to build on.

As I turned to leave, I asked "aapka naam toh batao chacha..." (tell me your name, uncle). All my incisors got exposed this time when I heard  - Raja. Every individual is a king/queen in their own right if they can successfully rule over their urge to splurge and take good care of their faithful subjects - their savings.

"...I am not sure. Shall I take the offer & then decide....?"

"...I am not sure. Shall I take the offer & then decide....?"

...asked the guy at the other end of the call.

He had an interview call. The dilemma was whether or not to take the new assignment if the role and compensation offered were suitable. He wasnt sure if he wanted to move from his current firm. The options he had:

1. Decline the interview & continue with his current employer (till such time something triggered the need for a change or if something really amazing came his way).

2. Appear for a round of interview & then decide.

3. Go through all interviews, take the offer if selected & then decide.

The advantages of 3 above:

1. Use the offer to get a better offer from his current employer (if he feels he is underpaid).

2. Use the offer to negotiate other offers that could come his way.

3. Join the new employer. 

Option 3 is lucrative. However, I feel it is not really the best.

First, I think one should give an interview only if one is fairly sure about the need for a change. Not for "let me see my market worth'', "let me see if I still have it in me'', "𝘥𝘦 𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘩 𝘥𝘦𝘬𝘩𝘵𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘪 [let me see how it goes]" etc - this not only wastes time of the HR, hiring manager & consultants but also plants seeds of confusion in one's own mind.

Second, if one must, then it is better to make a firm decision at the offer negotiation stage. Make sure you are happy with the company, role, management & compensation offered and will join them. If things don't work out & you reject the offer, well & good [𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲]. But if you think "𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘬𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦 [let me take the offer letter then decide]" then that's not the right practice in my opinion. 

Once an offer is accepted formally, the HR stops sourcing for the position. The hiring manager stops worrying about it too & plans work ahead basis the candidate's committed joining date. Now if the candidate decides to not join [𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿 𝗗𝗿𝗼𝗽], not only does it create a lot of rework (restarting the sourcing cycle besides the lost time value) for the other firm, the candidate ends up being possibly blacklisted by the hiring consultant & the company. Yes, there are thousands of companies out there, so possibly one may not care if they are blacklisted, but it is a small world & if it is a small industry, there is a small chance of a candidate encountering the hiring manager or HR down the line. Besides, it is also about integrity and ethics. While seeking an offer break up [and not the offer letter] in the negotiation stage & using it to shop around (after declining the offer) is still a grey area, I think accepting the offer letter and then dropping out later surely isn't very professional.

If one absolutely must, for genuine reasons, then it is best done within a few days of offer acceptance and not on or closer to the date of joining. Value the other firm's time and resources, don't be a _ _ _ _ [the word rhymes with twerk].

"...kabhi kabhi aurat hi aurat ki dushman hoti hai..."

"...kabhi kabhi aurat hi aurat ki dushman hoti hai..."

...the lady said, fuming. ["At times, women are women's worst enemy]

It was around 2010. The firm I was working with was on a huge hiring spree, so they'd often organize walk-in interviews. Although I was never into recruitment, on one such occasion I was told to accompany the gang to a hotel where the walk-ins were scheduled. My job was to facilitate the operations of the drive.

For most part of the day, I was seated a few feet away from one lady (she was a senior manager) from our business side. Her department had won a mandate and she needed to hire 12 people to kick start the operations in the coming month. She and her colleague had come there hoping to close some of those open positions. After about an hour, a lady came in for the interview. She introduced herself and shared that she was staying close by with her husband. After some general questioning, the following happened :

"Any plans of having kids?" 

"Yes ma'm"

"In the near future?"

"Maybe, let's see"

"But it has been 4 years since you were married, surely you and your family might want one now?"

There was a moment of awkward silence. With some visible discomfort and in a low voice, the candidate replied "We have been trying for a long time ma'm, now it all depends on the Almighty"

This was followed up by some more discussion and after the lady walked out, the interviewer dropped her resume in the "Rejected" bucket. "Too much uncertainty around her family plans,'' she told her colleague.

Later in the day, another lady walked in. She sounded experienced and confident. 

"So how will you manage work with 2 little kids?"

"I will manage ma'm. My husband works the night shift. My mother also stays close by, so we will take her help as well."

"Won't you need a full-time nanny or a creche if you start working?"

"That's too expensive, so we will figure out a way once I get a job .''

Her resume also met the same dreaded bucket. "I know how difficult it is to work full time with 2 kids. She will not be able to manage" she declared, as the next candidate was called in. 

After about 15 min, I was a bit hungry. It had nothing to do with the fact that I had spotted beautiful curvy samosas stocked up at a farsan shop near the hotel. Having no intention of offending the samosas, I walked down to the shop, ordered a plate and sat down at one of the tables. That's when I heard a familiar voice say what I quoted above. When I turned to look, it was the same lady (mother of 2), talking on her phone. Pouring out her interview experience to someone at the other end, just as she poured a load of ketchup over the unsuspecting samosa on her plate.

Be it family/friends or interviewers/bosses/colleagues, unfortunately, such biases and stereotyping still linger around.