"...mereko Gems chahiye pehle!!..."

"...mereko Gems chahiye pehle!!..."

...demanded the cute little voice of a 2-3 year old ["I want Gems first!!!"].

Last week, we made a pit stop at a restaurant on the highway to grab some lunch. Next to our table was another family. Mom, dad & a cute little munchkin. 

The parents were clearly having a hard time convincing the little one to sit & eat. The mom kept running behind him with a morsel of roti in her hand. The little champ ensured he managed to keep his face & lips a clear one foot away from the mother's hand at all times. "I will buy you a pack of Gems if you eat your food," said the mom. Champ gave her an evaluating look. The mom took the brief moment as an opportunity & shoved a piece of roti in his mouth. The champ's mouth was clearly not in his camp as it quickly started chewing on the food. It got another bite before the champ decided a stroll was important for his well-being. So he dashed off to a table a nearby, glanced at the people, found them worthy of a mischievous smile and came back.

He was back to refusing the food. The mom kept giving the Gems talk as a bribe, but he clearly wasn't biting (the food or her proposal). "I want the Gems first" announced the champ. After some more struggle, the mom finally asked the dad to get a pack from the cash counter. Dad, like every other dad in the world, did as told and came back with a pack of Gems. Mom waived it in front of Champ and that helped sell two more morsels. It was time again for the well-being walk. He walked up to the next table and gave the masala papad on their table a thoughtful look before returning back to base.

One more morsel was accepted with one eye on the Gems pack and then he declared "Open Gems! ". "After you finish this whole roti," said the mom firmly, eye pointing at the quarter of a roti on the plate on the table. "Open Gems!" Pat came the concise demand. After some more tries, the mom finally gave up and opened the pack, dropped a couple of gems on her palm & extended the hand. The champ's arm made a swift move like a cobra attacking an unsuspecting prey and grabbed the whole open pack from her other hand. He then made a run for it, exposing all of his 7-8 teeth with glee. The last bit of roti remained on the plate, envying the colourful gems that were getting devoured by the Champ.

- Mentioning about incentives works. But it works only to a point.

- Eventually, the carrot literally needs to be dangled to get more done - seeing/feeling is believing.

- After a point, the dangling carrot also doesn't work and the subject needs to be allowed a bite of it.

- However, if one is not careful, the subject might just gobble up the whole carrot and abandon the task for which the carrot was offered in the first place. 

No wonder at times carrots like joining/retention bonuses with claw back periods don't work. Champs still manage to run away with the pack of Gems and replace it back by sourcing Gems from the next dangler.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞.

So we are at this wonderful property in Dalhousie. The hotel had organized some games last evening, including a game of Housie (bingo) & Musical chairs. 

The musical chairs started with 15 chairs & 20+ players. We all lined up around the chairs. While we were waiting, I heard someone say "I will tell them when the music stops." The voice belonged to a young lady who was talking to someone in the audience. She then used sign language to convey the same to 2 other participating ladies. It seemed both the ladies had an impairment and couldn't talk or hear. The two ladies nodded their heads in agreement, clearly excited about playing the game.

The music started and a big chunk of people were eliminated in the first round, including the lady who I had heard speak. In the next few rounds, many were eliminated. At one point, there were 7 chairs (8 people) left. Both the ladies were still in the game, along with me. What was commendable was that, in spite of them not being able to hear the music, they were observing other players. They probably knew that as soon as the music stops, the players would make a move for the nearest chair and that would be their cue too!

Eventually, one of the ladies was eliminated and there were 5 chairs pending. Another couple of rounds went by and I survived to make it to the final round. 3 chairs, 4 people. The 3 survivors will all get a prize. The music started and as soon as it ended I rushed to grab the chair nearest to me. The only person to not get a chair was the surviving differently abled lady, who let out a smile in despair and walked away, clapping with all her heart for the 3 winners.

It wasn't a great feeling for me, though. This wasn't a level playing field and the 2 ladies were certainly at a disadvantage in a game where the sense of hearing was crucial. After collecting the prize, I felt a strong urge to walk up to the lady and hand over the prize to her as she clearly had aced the game given her condition. However, I was mindful that what I thought of as a kind gesture could very well backfire and end up being seen as pity and upset her. She might feel I was giving my prize to her due to her condition (which was true). I realized I needed to let her have the dignity of loss, to feel that she played as part of the group like any other individual and was eliminated. 

Next, there was a game of housie. The lady started rattling off numbers. The other family was struggling to keep up. I got up and went to the lady calling out the numbers and asked her to write each number on the board after calling them out. The least I could do to make it a level playing field this time, I thought.

In continuation with my prior post, this is also a privilege we all have. The privilege of having normal functioning body parts. One we take for granted all our lives. If you ever say "this is not fair!" after losing out on something, think about it again. #Gratitude.

"....ji hum toh jyaada kabhi ghoome nahi parivaar ke sath..."

"....ji hum toh jyaada kabhi ghoome nahi parivaar ke sath..."

....said Khemraj, our driver. ["...Sir, I haven't been on many trips with my family..."].

We commenced a trip to Himachal Pradesh and booked a car for the trip. Khemraj (driver) picked us at the airport. On the way, I struck a conversation with him.

"So who all do you have back home?"

"I have been married for 17 years. Have 3 daughters and a son."

"So you all stay together?"

"No, I am staying in a room in Shimla due to work. My wife and kids are staying back in Bilaspur with my parents and brother's family."

"That's nice. How much have you studied? Hope all your kids go to school as well?"

"Yes sir. I have studied till 10+2."

"English medium?"

"English medium schools in my village are 7 kms away. So, I and my kids all studied Hindi medium. Can't afford to send them far."

"Being in this line of work, you and your family would have travelled a lot? Must have seen Kashmir and all."

"No Sir, it's mainly in and around Himachal and then when we can, we take parents to holy places. We have farming to tend to back home and we can't leave that and travel for long. Besides, it takes a lot of money for such a large family to travel. Also, Covid killed tourism and set us back by a few years."

He sported a warm smile the whole time as he spoke, his eyes and smile competing with his spoken words to convey his emotions.

Nearly always, the people helping us with something are deprived of the exact same thing themselves. At an office somewhere...

- The single mom recruiter handing out that high 7 digit offer letter probably wonders if she will ever get there someday too...

- The IT executive from a small town handing out that iPad probably wonders if they can gift their spouse a new phone this year...

- The school drop out security guard probably wonders how it must be to work with a cozy desk, swanky laptop and hybrid work options...

- The transport desk guy booking swanky cars probably wonders when he can save enough to buy that bike he has promised his younger brother...

- The travel desk executive handing out international tickets probably wonders if he will ever be able to take his family on an international trip someday...

- The hardworking pantry staff picking up the pizza left overs probably wonders if they can ever treat their kids to such fancy meals...

- The overworked finance executive processing that hefty reimbursement claim probably wonders if he can take his kids to a luxurious property on a vacation someday... 

- The humble housekeeping lady maintaining the washrooms probably wonders about the washrooms her daughter has to go to at her government run school daily...

The list is unending. We all are privileged in some way or the other and are served/helped by many who aren't. Daily. #Gratitude 

In the picture, Khemraj and I, posing with the beautiful snow-clad mountains in the backdrop.

"...there is no way I am letting you pass, dude...."

"...there is no way I am letting you pass, dude...."

... I declared, in my mind. About a year back, I was driving down the Mumbai-Agra highway, cruising at about 80 kmph. Then one of my fav numbers played on the music system and the hormones made my feet push the accelerator pedal a bit more. In the process, I zipped past a middle-aged man who was peacefully cruising in his car. 

Perhaps I passed by him too close, or he just did not like that I passed by him. The moment I passed him, he started honking incessantly! I looked back in the mirror, annoyed. He picked up speed, continuing to honk. I decided there was no way I was going to let this egoistic maniac pass. I pushed the pedal to zip ahead, feeling good about the moral victory. 

About a couple of kms later, I reached a junction that had some traffic. Google maps showed 7 min congestion. I was stuck behind a long trailer. A few minutes later, I saw the same car show up in my rear view mirror. To my dismay, he was in the next lane, which was moving quicker than mine. I knew it was a matter of time before he would get past me. That moment came and he was now next to me, still honking! I was pissed. There was no reason to honk when he was now going past me. I avoided looking at him. He then rolled his car window down and said "Excuse me". I ignored. He said again, now in a louder voice, "Excuse me!". I glanced sideways, ready to exchange a mean look and maybe some bitter words. "Your fuel lid is open" he said, before rolling up his windows, leaving me look tiny.

Apparently, I had made a fuel stop on one of the pumps and the staff and I both forgot about the fuel lid. For the past several kms I was driving the car with the fuel chamber wide open. I could have fixed it had I actually let the honking guy come next to me so that he could alert me.

- At times, we become way too competitive for our own good. Ironically, it often goes against our own interests.

- People at times will move out of their comfort zone trying to help you, but if we aren't mindful, it might appear that they are coming after you.

- Not all noise (honking) is offensive. At times, noise is needed to get our attention towards something important. Treating all noise as an annoyance and ignoring it might be catastrophic.

- Suspending judgement is a skill that's most difficult to master. Probably the most important one for our mental health, too.

Next time you hear unusual honking/noise, suspend your judgement and keep an open mind.

"...this..this is that Wagle guy..Raj!!..."

"...this..this is that Wagle guy..Raj!!..."

...I thought, as I just went past him, too chicken to stop him and speak to him.

So my daughter made a Holi greeting card last week for a friend. Last year, I had taken her to the post office to show her how mail worked. I told her we would post this letter too. For the last few days, I wasn't able to take her to the post office. This morning I had some time, so I thought of visiting it. She was busy watching her favorite show "Wagle ki Duniya" and was reluctant to come. I asked her if I should go and post it as I was stepping out to run an errand. She agreed.

I left on my bike but the road that leads to the post office was dug up and closed to vehicles. I cursed under my breath, parked my bike and started walking. Half way through, I spotted a handsome chap walking with towards me. It took me a fraction of a second to realize it was the famous actor #Sumeet Raghvan. My daughter is a fan of his show [Wagle Ki Duniya] and watches it daily. For a moment, I thought I should ask him for a selfie so that I could show it to my daughter. But being the introvert I am, there was no way I would exhibit such a behavior! So I continued walking, cursing my introverted nature and how it often costs me opportunities. 

After 4-5 more steps, I questioned my rigidity. Afterall, a snap with him could bring a smile to my daughter's face. I turned around and started pacing behind him, the letter still in my hand. When I reached the end of the road, I spotted him walking towards a car. Since the road was dug up, his driver probably had to wait on the outer road to pick him and Sumeet had to walk it up. When I saw him reach the car door, Usain Bolt's soul entered my body and I sprinted towards him. Just as he was about to close the car door I reached in time and asked "Excuse me, my daughter is your fan and she loves your show. Can I please take a snap for her?" Although most people would not decline such a request, I prayed under my breath hoping he would agree, as I was infringing on his privacy in a way. Sumeet immediately agreed and I took a snap before he left.

- My daughter usually is very enthu and comes with me everywhere I ask her to. Today she hesitated (ironically watching his show) and she missed an opportunity. Sometimes we do everything right but one slack moment and we miss some great action. Luck.

- The dug up road I cursed was a blessing in disguise. Sumeet wouldn't have walked up if the car could come to him. Sometimes what seems as a rough road is actually a road to beautiful opportunities. 

- Most importantly, each one of us can beat our weaknesses (introversion for me) if we find the right motivation to overcome it. The prospect of seeing a smile on my daughter's place made me do something I wouldn't even dream of doing.

Thank you, Sumeet for being kind enough today. Thanks to you, I could bring a smile to my daughter's face, and for a dad, nothing is more precious.

"...kaaki, ek kilo bateka, ek atta Maggie ane paa kilo chana no lot..."

"...kaaki, ek kilo bateka, ek atta Maggie ane paa kilo chana no lot..."

...I announced, as kaaki (aunty) looked up. The quoted text (Gujarati) translates to "...aunty, one kg potato, one pack of noodles and 250 grams of gram flour. ."

There is this old school grocery shop near my home. It is run by an elderly couple (probably in their 70s). It is a small shop with some basic stuff. Ask for something like Rajma (kidney beans) or Redbull or a shaving foam and you'd see a smile and a nod indicating they do not stock such items. The shop was mainly closed during the pandemic owing to the risk the elderly couple faced.

After things came back to normalcy, on one such visit, I realised I had forgotten my wallet. I asked, "Aunty, do you accept Paytm?" Paytm is to digital payments what Xerox is to photo copying. "No son, we do not understand these modern things. But it's okay, you pay me later" she said, sweetly. I left that day with the goods and paid for them later.

Some time last month, I visited the shop again for some groceries. Before I could place my order, I heard an extremely familiar voice say "Paytm par chau-sath rupaye praapt hue" ["Rs. 64 received on Paytm"]. I was pleasantly surprised to see the much needed transformation to digital payments. I looked at uncle and aunty both and before my smile could break into words, Uncle gave a wide grin that conveyed more than mere words could. Since that day, I stopped carrying my wallet for the grocery runs.

If a 70+ year old couple can adopt change [and this change for their age must be a huge leap of faith] then who are we to give excuses?

"...Diabetes hai mereko, lekin kabhi kabhi thoda chalta hai..."

"...Diabetes hai mereko, lekin kabhi kabhi thoda chalta hai..."

...said the uncle, with a cute smile, like that of an 18-month old kid. ["I have Diabetes, but it's okay to indulge sometimes"]

I attended a fantastic Catholic wedding reception recently. After witnessing all the fun and dance, I could no longer ignore my growling tummy, so I queued up at the buffet counter.

Just ahead of me, there was this gentleman, probably in his late 60s. He carefully examined each food station before deciding on picking up the food item. We then reached the sweets station labelled "Gulab Jamun". He looked at the container full of Gulab Jamuns and froze, as if he had spotted something blasphemous. After a couple of seconds, he carefully picked up one ball, kept it on his plate and looked up at the guy behind the counter. Now this catering guy obviously wasn't going to question him for picking it up, yet, he apologetically justified his action by saying what I quoted above. The lady [looked like his wife] standing just ahead of him looked at him, rolled her eyes and gave a short nod, but did not say anything. Uncle might have anticipated the reaction, so he did not even look at her. A smart move, I thought.

A few mins later, I visited the ice cream counter. Coincidentally, Uncle was already there. He was holding a bowl which had brown colored remnants of the ice cream he seemed to have just devoured. "Aapka ice cream bahut badhiya hai. Thoda zukaam hai mereko, lekin aur aadha scoop chalega." he said, sheepishly, like a school boy requesting his class teacher for another day's extension to submit his homework. ["Your ice cream is very good. I have a bit of a cold, but I can have half a scoop more"]. The ice-cream guy merrily obliged.

Basically, Uncle did not want to completely disregard his temptations, yet he was self-aware of his health conditions. Saying it out loud to a stranger probably helped him indulge in moderation. Top that up with the humility, grace and positivity, I instantly wished I could age as well he had. My compliments to the wife who only rolled her eyes at the Gulab Jamun counter but did not stop her husband from experiencing the little joys of life.

All we probably need in life is a pinch of giving in to the little temptations, a teaspoon of self-awareness, a tablespoon of humility, a bowl of positivity and a supportive sous-chef that keeps us in check, yet gives us just enough leeway to cook up and consume enticing, scrumptious and satiating dishes day in day out.

The ice-cream flavor was chocolate walnut. Uncle was right, bahut badhiya tha. Maine bhi do scoop khaaye.