"Sir bharose ki koi baat nahi..."

"Sir bharose ki koi baat nahi..." said the cashier at the thriving two-storey shop, with a fake smile on his face. [ Sir, it's not about trust ]

Ever since I was a kid, I have been visiting a store to buy snacks and dry fruits. The shop is quite famous, and over the years, they have expanded it into a huge establishment.

Once UPI payments became popular a few years ago, I started paying via UPI/Sodexo at the store. However, one thing has remained constant since they began accepting such payments. Each time a customer confirms a transaction, a staff member shouts to another guy sitting in a corner with a phone in hand. For example, "Teenso pacchis, Sodesko" shouts a staff member if a customer pays INR 325 via the Sodexo (now Pluxee) app. The goods are handed over to the customer only after the guy in the corner gives a thumbs up. In the moments between making the payment and receiving the thumbs up, I feel like I'm standing in a courtroom katghara (witness box), waiting for judge saab to raise his hand and declare that I'm not bankrupt and free to walk out the door.

Yesterday, I got a bit cheeky and asked, "Bhai, I have been coming here for 30 years. Almost all your staff know me well. Do you think I would cheat you and lie about a payment when I'm even showing the proof on my phone screen? Thoda toh bharosa karo yaar!" That's when he said what I quoted above. Finally, the man from the coveted corner office signaled a thumbs up to release my goods, and I left.

The next stop was my regular vegetable vendor, where I also use UPI to pay. While some vendors have a soundbox that announces payments, this guy doesn't have one. However, he has never asked me or any customer to show our screens. In fact, almost all the fruit and vegetable vendors in the market exhibit the same behavior. They take the customer's word for it if they don't have a soundbox.

Having just experienced the mistrust of the shopkeeper, I asked the vendor, "How do you know if I or any customer is paying you the right amount, or paying you at all? What if someone disappears without paying and doesn't show up again?" While I was sure he must have a good memory and some way to track his payments, the risk was always there. "Sirjee girhaak hum par acchi sabji ka bharosa karte hai aur hum girhaak per barabar paisa dene ka." he said, with a genuine innocent smile. [Sir, customers trust us to give them good vegetables and we trust them to make the right payments]

That's the tale of two transactions shown in the attached image, completed 6 minutes apart yesterday.

Whether individuals or organizations, it's quite fascinating how often modestly earning folks and entities exhibit logic-defying trust, even with complete strangers, while the well-established and affluent ones do the exact opposite, even with their well-known stakeholders.

Trust and bank balance are, at times, inversely proportional for some people and entities.

"...kya bey chakke..." 

...screamed Johnny Lever, about 12-13 times in the entire movie, leaving the audience in the theatre in splits each time.

It was 2001 and the movie was Nayak. Johnny Lever, being the great that he is, ensured laughs came through in the otherwise heavy movie. His character was scripted to yell out "Kya bey chakke" as a reflex action each time someone poked a finger at him. For those who do not know the Hindi term, it is loosely used to refer to the members of the transgender community.

Back then, the term "chakka" was often used in a derogatory way, often used to mock/insult someone. While we all laughed our hearts out each time Johnny Lever screamed that line, over 20 years later, I realized how inappropriate it was – to consider it funny, to accept the usage of the word ( as an insult or otherwise ), to be insensitive towards the non-binary gender.

I recalled this movie and Johnny Lever's character while listening to Kalki Subramaniam a while back, during the webinar hosted by my employer as part of the #PRIDE month initiatives. Kalki is a transgender rights activist, among other things. While she had a lot of things to share, here are a few: 

- at the age of 12-13 there was intense trauma between my authentic self and my physical self

- was born as a boy & came out at 13 and the family could not understand

- told mom I wanted to grow up as a woman & eventually the family accepted

- family acceptance was of most important

- Most trans people are begging because they have been abandoned by their family

- some land up in sex work due to exploitation

- faced a lot of bullying and shaming throughout, especially in college. 

- In the Mahabharata, Arjun was a trans for 1 year -taught martial arts and dance to a prince

- the presence of trans members in Mahabaratha/Ramayana and other mythology shows we were always a part of the society

- joined an IT firm and saved money for my gender transition.

- I feel I was privileged as I was accepted by family and was independent

- we have a lot of anger built up but I channeled the anger I had within into art/creativity – to make a change, you need to be the change

- role model is Sridevi

- love writing poetry

- corporates need to ensure they develop a safe environment for trans coworkers

- treat us as fellow-human, fellow-employee and not a transgender

- people still comment about my voice, not realizing I like the way I sound

- people say I don’t look like a transgender and look like a real woman – it is stereotyping and not a compliment

My takeaway - If they are not unkind to you, there is no reason to be unkind to them or dislike them. They deserve to be treated as you would like to be treated by others!